Against all odds: There are, of course, plenty of good arguments for staying away from your ex. A 2013 study from Kansas State University found that many couples who got back together assumed their partner had changed for the better, or that they would be better at communicating. Because of those assumptions, they tended to not discuss subsequent major life decisions, like moving in together or buying that shared pet they always wanted, which negatively affected the new relationship.
It is possible to work to reprogram your brain or change certain beliefs. If you are severely lacking confidence in yourself and your ability to prove to your ex and that you can make them happy; try doing one of my favorite self-help exercise; write down in the present tense something on a yellow sticky that you are hoping to accomplish as if you had already achieved your goal.
So my ex broke up with me a little over a month ago after a 3 months relationship & several months of talking & getting to know each other really well (starting in the summer but wasn’t a fling). He is 24, I am 21, we felt serious, he would mention marriage. We had many common goals & other things & he loved that. Commitment/marriage seemed serious to him, he was all about values & didn’t like relationships where he wasn’t sure about marriage (I was a little hesitant about it). I was getting out of a breakup as well & vented to him a lot in the first 1-2 months/I mentioned the ex sometimes which he didn’t like & looking back I shouldn’t have done.
It is always necessary to look fresh because your girlfriend will have to impress with your look after such a long time. I am not saying you have to completely change yourself for a woman. However, having new clothes will give you fresh look and boost your self-confidence as well.
Few months ago I asked him tell me truth and I’ll walk away from you life , but he said I don’t have an answer and if I’ll deal my life’s troubles I’ll come to you to marry , but now live your life …etc, then he was keeping in touch sometimes , and now just silence from him. I gave up and don’t bothering him anymore too, I’m trying NC , also I disappeared from all my social nets, but I think it will useless in my case, he can’t solve his difficulties
Hi there I’ve been apart from my ex for 15 years now. We had a fiery relationship. She was feisty and I loved her deeply. She hurt me by splitting from me and then having a one night stand when we broke up. We got back together and she told me about it. I was very angry. She had a daughter who didn’t like me and there was a big fallout over her daughter on holiday. We ended our relationship and both of us were very hurt. Years have gone on and I still love her. I sent her a couple of messages on social media and she responded a little but I get a sense she may be with someone else. I know we both deeply care for each other. What is your advice?
Write all those things down and focus on them. That will help force your brain to realize that your relationship with him wasn’t all sunshine and happiness, and in fact there were a lot of reasons that you might not have been happy. Do that – and you’ll make huge strides in erasing his power over you.
And you know what happens to a relationship where one person is a doormat? They end. Sooner or later they all end. If you want to get your ex back and give it a real chance, please do not become doormat.
“First, it’s to get control of yourself and get some perspective on the relationship.” – this is a great point..hope all women try this instead of jumping into getting back into the relationship at once
I feel all of those thing because I love my ex girlfriend. She is the mother of my child. I want her back so bad because she was my first love. Yeah I was a player back in the day, but when I started dating her I change a lot and I love her so much that I tear myself apart and I eat but it doesn’t stay down.
Let her know that you understand what it is like to walk in her shoes as one who feels hurt, ie: “Honey, you must feel conned. Before we were married I communicated to you that I would cherish you for the rest of our lives. But since the first week, I know I sent you the message that you weren’t important to me. Whenever you wanted to do __________ together, I would never do it. Whenever you wanted to go with me to ___________ I wouldn’t go. By choosing my own comfort and convenience over yours I have left you feeling that you weren’t important to me, and I was a fool to send you that message. You deserve more than that.”
I know that this isn’t exactly due to something wrong with me specifically, that he may still need time to find himself and a new balance after his split. I know that dating a separated man is risky, I was timid going into it. What I am trying to figure out now is this: if we do in fact break up tomorrow, I want him to know that I will still be here ready to work on things and keep cultivating a relationship. That I want him and I to pull through this and that if he needs time away, that’s completely fine with me. I have thought about my reasons for this and they’re centered around the fact that we established a great partnership, a wonderful connection, a respect for one another, a support system, that we have similar interests/morals/life goals, and that I see great potential for a future in this. I know that he needs to be his best self and completely mourn and detach himself from his former life as a twosome with his ex before he can be in a relationship, and if he suddenly realized that maybe he hasn’t completely done that yet – I get it. That’s okay (kind of wish the “I love you part” wasn’t said then…). All of that said, I still want HIM. I want HIM to be my person, I want him in my future. I am planning to go tomorrow and listen a great deal, say my bit, thank him for who and what he was to me and the time that we had together, and tell him that I’ll always be here for him. I plan on establishing and sticking to the “no contact contract” (yes, I gave it a nickname to try and think a little more positively about the whole situation…giggle away, everyone! 🙂 ) and then follow the rest of the steps. I just DON’T know how to convey to him that I see all of these things and want all of these things and that I DO love him and respect him and his process immensely without looking like a needy beggar who cannot accept reality. I am none of those things. I am a person who has met someone where unfortunately circumstances prevent from us having the relationship that I know we could and that we’ve had thus far, despite hiccups along the way. I am a strong and independent person who knows what she wants and is prepared to wait for/fight for it.
Yes if you haven’t done NC before, and have still been in contact with him through the 3 months, it might be better to actually proceed with the No Contact rule to separate yourself from the situation.
It can be really beneficial to you because it will give you the space you need to regain your composure, set a game plan into motion if you haven’t yet done so and also prevent you from making even more mistakes.
6. The greatest cause for concern for any man whose wife hardens her heart, must not be that she has hurt him, is alienating the children, or is destroying the marriage. An abandoned husband’s greatest cause for concern is the condition of his wife’s well being – as Scripture warns, a bitter or hardened heart is a dangerous condition for any soul (Eph 4:18; Heb 3:13, 15; Deut 31:27; 1 Sam 15:23; Acts 7:51; 28:27). A husband must look beyond his own frustration and be concerned that his wife might be deceived and hardened toward God. He must be concerned for her, because her steps are walking her away from intimate fellowship with God. A hardened woman merits her husband’s compassion, not his arrogance.
Have you ever tried to win somebody back you’ve previously broken up with? Man, is it hard. My friend just came out of a divorce and he was unfortunate enough to immediately meet a great woman—he knew he was in trouble. She was terrific—and he even loved her—but he couldn’t tell her as much because he needed more time before re-committing. After a few months of superficially dating a couple of nice women he had little interest in, he realized his mistake and tried to win his previous love back…but she was already gone. In treating many clients over the years I’ve seen this dynamic several times—I’ve even experienced it myself in my youth. Yep, there’s a reason why the line: “That’s the one that got away,” is so popular. Most of us have experienced the “failure to recoup,” and it serves as a valuable resource for romantics worldwide. Where would song writers and other artists be without this dynamic?
Try answering these questions: Do you miss your ex, or do you miss having a boyfriend or girlfriend? Did he or she make you feel better about yourself, more secure in the world, and happier? Do you imagine yourself with this person in the long-term, even when the excitement of being in love has worn off and you are stuck in the daily routines of life? If you are only missing the security of having someone and the excitement of a dramatic relationship, you can find those things with someone else in a healthier, more stable relationship.
I met one guy, then another, but it wasn’t long until I was missing my ex and my mind was focusing only on the good times with him. Wasn’t that winter trip upstate really romantic? Didn’t he do everything he could to make my birthday everything I wanted it to be? Remember how he made Valentine’s Day dinner and paid for my cabs home and did tons of other really sweet things for me all the time?
I would honestly recommending just talking to him casually since it’s something you can’t seem to walk away from. At least by talking to him, even if things don’t turn out well, you may get some form of closure that you lack. Also, your fights with your current partner may be causing amplified feelings of you missing your ex so it’s something you should take note of. Perhaps ask yourself first, if your current relationship is a healthy one, and secondly decide if your feelings towards your ex is based on the bad experiences you’re going through or something more.
Try to avoid seeing him at all, even when you’re hanging out with mutual friends. If you do catch yourselves at the same party, you don’t have to be rude to him, but you shouldn’t spend too much time talking to him.