hi, last sunday my boyfriend broke up with me. i dont know if its totally broke up because he only said to me that “lets end this, i have so many problems right now and im so tired.” i asked him if he dont like me anymore. he said “yes, i dont. i just want to be alone now, pls.”. i cant accept the fact that we broke up and he never even explain to me the reason. all his saying is he had so many problems but he dont want to discuss with me thats why i cant understand him why he so stress about. so i gave what he want, i didnt talk to him ever since, its almost 2 days already. but i miss him. and i know he love me too. maybe something really happened that why i gave him what he want. if he really want to be alone. he also never msg me since then. do i just let him alone first. you think he will call me soon? i really want him back. im trying my best not to msg or call him. hopefully soon he will realize that he miss me too. i know its because of stress and anger thats why all of a sudden he said those things to me.
One additional thought. You might want to check out my post on infusing your interactions with positivity. It’s not just moths that are drawn to light. See http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201207/10-ways-radiate-positivity-and-be-attractive. Maximize the positives in your interactions, delete the negatives like criticism or irritated emotions, and the odds will be likely to shift in your favor.
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Peter discovered that if he wanted to talk with his wife, he would get the best results if he asked from a stance of self-respect. He tried asking if she would meet him for coffee. She replied, “Sure!” In fact, the groveling and self-deprecation that Peter had learned as a child were the opposite of what his wife wanted. The more confidently he addressed her, the more positively she responded.
Hopefully i can get some help. I left my boyfriend(whom is my son’s father as well) roughly two years ago. throughout the two years we had contact with each other because of my son but i tried to keep conversation between us as minimal as possible. I left him because we were financially unstable, he was unemployed for several months, and he cheated. With a newborn and being financially responsible for two people took a toll on me, not to mention i was already down because of the cheating. i took the past two years to 1.) force him to make a change since he didn’t have his family, 2.) to heal myself and come to terms with everything. Throughout the two years he tried to constant;y get back wiht me, but i just couldn’t, i loved him but was still hurt about everthing that happened. Now i have changed as a woman and i forgave him for everything that has happened, i just needed to do it for my well being.But now i told him i wanted toget back with him, to try and work things out for our sons sake and because i simply love him. but now he’s in a relationship and has been dating this person for about 7 months. im so hurt and down about all this. i want him back and quite simply don’t know what to do. Hopefully someone can help me out here ?
You first need to develop clarity regarding the situation that led to your breakup in the first place. To fully understand the breakup, there are several key questions you’ll need to answer yourself, such as:
On the 16th December he wanted to break up and said let’s be friends i said oh.. i understand.. so we decided to be friends and then one day later we had a prom and he wanted me back out of nowhere.. So our relationship was on track again. And he said to me that he will forgive me for my bad behavior from the 3 months and that he will accept that i will do my best for him.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this; I know how you feel. I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I can no longer give specific advice in the comments. I do offer one-on-one coaching if you are interested.
What you need to understand and appreciate is that getting through a break up is like getting through the withdrawal of drug dependency. Research suggests the trauma from breaking up seems severe because love rejection affects primitive areas of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction craving.
As they talked Peter often felt tempted to say, “and you do it too!” He successfully refrained. He had learned that his job was to look at what he could change, not to criticize or advise his wife. That change proved to be one of the most potent signs to his wife that Peter was in fact behaving far more appealingly.
Your goal should be to provide him with a lot of reasons to remember all your positive qualities – the specific things and traits he loved about you when you were still together. Emphasize the specific qualities he loved about you, such as your empathy or sense of humor.
Create a new reality that doesn’t include your ex. Purge yourself of materials and even friendships that you find are toxic or holding you back. Make changes and take plunges that you’ve always thought about, but never actually done. Get a drastic haircut, redo your living room, or travel to a foreign country. Forging new experiences without your ex, will make you feel worlds away from the life you created together.
There is so much wisdom in the this article and comments, thank you! I broke up with my ex last summer and nothing in my life has hit me so bad. She ended it suddenly after nine years. The bereavements I have experienced in my life do not even compare to the pain I have gone through although I know the end of a relationship can also be a bereavement. I am mid-40s and am worried it will take me years to get over her. I don’t want to protect my heart for the rest of my life. I really don’t know whether I can be friends with her. I feel there is too much feeling of my part, but I cannot cut loose from her entirely. I have boxed up all her photos, cards and letters etc but i can’t bear to part with them because she wrote me such lovely letters. Some days I feel good, other days rotten so I’ve come to the conclusion that there are just good days and bad days. I take each day as it comes. I know some of my feelings for her and the desire to reach out to her is because it is Christmas and New Year but I know despite the incredible pain she has caused me I know I would still take her back tomorrow if she wanted to get back together.
This is one of the most useful tips on how to get over your ex boyfriend. Making up a list of what you want from a relationship may help you to understand why the last one didn’t work out. You might even find that your ideal man is actually nothing like your ex, but at least you will know better what you are looking for next time!
I don’t know if I can even cut contact with him. He’s my Best friend, the one I talk when I’m upset or if Anything happens or if I need to ramble. Thanks for your article and I really hope that I can someday overcome all this sorrow
This instantly downloadable guide is wildly popular for one reason: it works. The author painstakingly details step-by-step instructions for repairing your relationship and getting back with your ex. Browse through the video testimonials from the thousands of happy people he’s already helped. This isn’t just suggested reading, it’s required. In short, don’t do make a single move until you’ve read this definitive guide on making up.
My ex broke up with me almost five months ago (over the phone, after being together for 1.5 years), and it devastated me. For about the first 2.5 months, I made a lot of mistakes, but have been good for the past two months. Over the last two months, I’ve made a lot of progress, but still miss her a lot. I truly think we could work things out, though her reasoning for leaving were that we fought a lot, I’m too invested in my career, she doesn’t want to move and scared of being a single mother in the future because my career involves traveling. She also mentioned that I was controlling.
This is such a powerful article, I agree to everything written out in this article. My fiance and I have been on & off for last 2 yrs. We went through an awful breakup 8 months ago and that’s when I learned about LOA. I kept my faith in the process and just like that 2 months after the breakup, I manifested him back. I did change my ways and turned things around 180 degrees in my favor. We even had a pre-engagement ceremony in July and things couldn’t be any more perfect EXCEPT the fights/issues came back. As of two weeks ago I sensed a lot of negative energy and as a result we got into a fight (really bad one) last weekend (Halloween), while we were in the middle of planning our wedding next year. Sure enough I’m in the same spot at 8 mos ago, he has shut me out as always, no contact, no response nothing. Our wedding outfits are being built and our friends and family are super excited about us. I am hurt obviously and there is that slight fear that what if he calls off teh wedding? But like the article said don’t let your fears pave your destiny!
Work on yourself. Take some time to work out whatever problem may have ended your relationship, and just spend time enjoying your own company or hanging out with friends. Make a list of three flaws that you’d like to change about yourself, and slowly start to address them. It takes a lifetime to grow as a person, but even taking small steps to become your ideal steps can help your relationship.
Stop seeing them. Stop texting them. Delete all of their physical presence from your life. Then, make new opposite gender friends. Keep them as friends, no other intentions. Slowly(around 3-4) you will become best friends with one or two, you may still keep missing them, but within a span of 5 months, you will see change happening.
Problem is right now we are not really talking. We have not spoken except in very formal text messages (finalizing the breakup) since the day he said he wanted to break up with me. It’s been about two weeks. He said that he would be willing to meet with me but seemed really defensive that I might just try to beg and plead again. I’m worried if I see him he will just keep trying to shut me off, even if that’s not what I’m doing..
Do the inner work to resolve these issues without letting him know you’re doing the work. The reason you don’t need to let him know is because he won’t believe it until he experiences the changes. Just do the work and see how he responds. If he responds positively, you’re moving in the right direction. If he continues behavior that contributed to your breakup, then you don’t want him back.
We can’t say we’re crazy about these two reuniting (in fact, we can think of a ton of reasons why they shouldn’t), but Rihanna has repeatedly said that she’s still in love with Chris. We get that on some level—is there a chick out there who isn’t a little bit haunted by that “one who got away”?
“There was a lot of physical chemistry between me and this guy I was seeing for a couple of months, but he was about to be divorced and wasn’t looking for anything serious. During our relationship, I was constantly worried about what he was really doing when we weren’t together. After two months, I decided to stop stressing about him and focus on myself. I started hitting the gym more frequently and I dated a lot. I ended up meeting my current boyfriend about a week after the last time I saw my ex and never thought about him again.” —Kristina M.
This was really good. I wish you had written this two years ago. I made all the mistakes you mentioned here, but your article brought me closure. Just knowing it’s beyond repair sort of makes me feel better now. I can move on. We just stopped talking for good, though we broke up long back. I had enough of him beating around the bush. What really spoke to me was that you married an ex you broke up with 11 years ago, that you both worked on yourself while you were apart. I no longer wish to get back with my ex, even though back then I thought he was the one. But at least from your story I can tell if it’s mean to be, it just falls in place. I no longer feel hurt I had been carrying for the last two years.