My boyfriend who I’ve dated for almost two years just broke up with me. He told me that he doesn’t feel the same way anymore. I could see that he tried to enjoy spending time with me but somehow it wasn’t the same. He decided to break up with me, and told me he needed to figure out some stuff out. He told me he’s been feeling depressed lately and will probably go see a therapist. He also just graduated from college, so I kind of understand what he’s going through. Is there something I can do to help make things go back to normal? And do you think he’ll come back to me?
If you want to make yourself capable to win your ex back again then you have to stop blaming yourself. Breakups are part of relationship and even strongest couple sometime suffer from breakup as well. Just because you are suffering from breakup doesn’t mean you are bad person.
The final part of the Re-Kindling phase is to contact your ex. But you have to start small. Start with a simple text message — make it happy, care-free, and show them that you’re thriving and positive. Remember to avoid all negativity. Remind them why you’re so awesome!
One guy I worked with told me how his ex-girlfriend had finished with him and how much he wanted her back. “She always told me how I had to be right all the time. How I could never admit I was wrong or apologize!” I suggested he apologize to her in writing and on the phone.
Eventually i independently realised i needed to be happy with myself and not be independent on others for happiness, and now 4 months after the break up (after a month of no contact, which she even wasnt on my mind during) i have practically matured in the understanding of what makes me happy and consequently making changes (appearance, interests, friend choices, everyday life really) but she is always eventually on my mind again, not in a desperately missing way or i love her way, but more like a romance and companionship based nostalgia.
If you fail at this stage; you will most likely fail at getting your ex girlfriend back permanently. Even if you somehow manage to get her back for the time being, I am quite positive you will break up again in the future.
He can walk away and probably will if you treat him as property. Instead, view him as a customer. You want to make a loyal customer out of your boyfriend that isn’t forced to buy at your shop, but loves to “shop” at your store because he gets treated better than anywhere else. He then grows to need you, love you, and want you – every single day.
Once four weeks of No Contact is complete you can now contact her at this point. In the majority of cases, she will contact but if she doesn’t then it is safe to call her now. However, make sure you have waited for minimum four weeks. Sometimes you have to wait longer than this depending on how needy and desperate you behave during your breakup.
Remember when she put you down in front of her friends? Or when she criticized you for having another beer? How about when she told you that you should probably spend more time in the gym? If she treats her friends better than she treated you, she does not value you for your worth. Don’t go thinking that if you drank less beer or lost some weight that things would change. She is still the same person.
Sure, people change, but they’re usually more likely to stay the same. Basically, don’t think that things will be different after the “getting to know you again” stage is over. “It is very common for couples to fall back into the same patterns which they found themselves in the previous time,” says Klow. Hated his habit of turning into a couch-loving sloth on Sundays? Odds are, you’re going to deal with it again.
(Side Note: The system I have outlined on this page will work for teenagers in high school, married couples, people who haven’t seen each other in six months or two years and people who just got out of a long distance relationship. Basically, I am saying this system is universal!)
After relationship breakup you are not in best condition to contact your ex. Therefore, it is better to stop contacting your ex in all ways. Don’t message her on Facebook. Just cut off all ways to communicate her. Instead of wasting your time in finding about her you should invest your time in learning about how to get your ex back.
Why good? Because if you’re doing all the wrong things to get back with your ex, there’s still room for improvement. This means that once you start doing the right things, you’ll start getting the favorable results you want.
Present day: she is my best friends sister, I was at their house one day and parked on the drive way. She was gonna leave to get some thing to drink and as she backed up from the drive way, she scratched my car. I was very upset because I felt she may have did it on purpose and also I had just bought my car. But to my surprise she didn’t come out of the car and yell at me. She apologized and talked to me as if I was a friend. Its weird because at the time she hated the hell out of me. And if that were to have happened in the past, she probably would’ve said something like “why tf you on my drive way then?!” but she apologized and said she would pay for the damage….. I love her, I still care for her… I instead asked for her number and as she gave it to me, we both joked with each other about her driving and she tells me to have a good night and smiles as she walked in the house. She was beautiful. I text her the next day about my car. Told her that I rather her just treat me out to some dinner. She was definitely confused but she accepted. We are eating this weekend.. If anyone read this far, please tell me if this is fate? If it’s a second chance given to me? If I can make her love me again? I’m over thinking a bit about this whole “treat” thing but if I was to see her just one more time after 3 yrs and have a decent conversation with her.. Then at least I can say we ended on good terms rather than the bad 3 yrs ago. If I can make her love me once more then I’ll be happy. But does she still care for me? Idk.. Please tell me your thoughts ?
Think about these questions. Don’t be too critical of either him or yourself. All this emotional bullshit, arguing and blaming each other for crap is one of the reasons you might have broken up in the first place.
If you are wanting to win back your ex, then the ‘Magic of Making Up’ is a very popular book for men and women who are either close to breaking up or who have broken up. The book provides very useful and practical advice on winning back your ex. See the video below….
So with you doing everything she wanted, your ex would have looked at you as inferior to her (lacking in DMV compared to her), in a world where women are attracted to men they see as being superior and high in DMV.
I tried the no contact rule for 60 days. things were really goin on well for me. He did all he could to see me and all as he was desperate to know what I was doing that is far more important than talking to him.
You could start with No contact and avoid making small talk with him for the time being. This article helps you deal with having to see your ex on a daily basis. Do that until you feel that you’re not as affected by things, and start with initiating a casual friendship to see if there’s still a spark, and whether the situation may be different this time compared to the previous relationship.
A man must remember — a woman originally came to him because she thought her heart would be protected. She left, because she felt unsafe. For her to return she must be convinced she is safe. For this reason, a man must make it his priority to understand how his wife feels. She doesn’t need a letter in which her husband simply apologizes for his mistakes or misbehaviors. She needs words that communicate that he understands how shredded she feels and what he has done to contribute to her pain. I want to repeat that concept: The thing that will give a woman hope that things will be different is if her husband is able to describe how torn up she feels, and how he contributed to her condition. She doesn’t need a well-rehearsed humble-sounding script. She needs to be convinced by your words of empathy towards her condition and by your deep humble remorse, as you take responsibility for contributing to her pain. Remember that she married you believing you would make her feel secure and treasured; yet now she sees you as the biggest threat to her mental and emotional well-being. The one person she looked to for safety proved to be one most unsafe to her heart.
The whole point of No Contact is to avoid conversations with her, general or relationship wise until you feel more sorted out emotionally to deal with things rationally. The only conversations that is encouraged is if it’s a serious issue (financial matters, divorce paperwork, children, etc). You should tell her that you would like some space since the relationship has ended to work on yourself.
me n my ex have broken up for 6months already..we havnt seen each other in those months at all but durin those months weve exchanged several texts back n forth. until just a few days ago we met at a club. not sober and we all know what happened after that. so, the following weeks conversations on text boomed..like never durin the past 6months i kinda felt like we were textn like when we were dating again..
Ok. So it’s complicated. !! I left my husband 10 years ago for another man. I have stayed very close to him because of kids and stuff. I have always regretted leaving him and for the past year have tried to get back with him. He thought about it and we “hooked up ” a few times but then he said he didn’t want to get back together. We still do stuff as a family and neither one of us is in a relationship. I’m scared to push myself on him to much because I don’t want to scare what I do have of him away. Help. I really want us to be a couple again!!!
Wait 30 days? See if time would heal the wounds? I didn’t want to wait and sit around hoping and trying not to be depressed. Give me a break! About to give up, I tried one more search and found a book called How To Get Your Love Back Now. It said you could get your love back starting in as few as 7 minutes using something called Emotional Logic. I was skeptical but there was a money back guarantee and I figured what the heck.
The next morning she says, how the hell did you do what ya did? I said what do you mean? She said, you called me on the phone, got my anger to go away and then you came over here and ended up staying the night, and I’m like 90% ready to take you back in only one day??
This is about trusting that giving him time is going to make him miss you, and getting into a better mindset so you are as attractive to him as possible. The alternative is panicking, stalking him, texting him constantly, and begging him to take you back – which never works. Trust that this is the only way to get him back (and keep him for good).
As we can see, reverse psychology is all about control. It’s tied very much to a person’s ego. If you can communicate to a person’s subconscious that their control is being taken away…their subconscious will look for ways to prevent this from happening.
Once done fold the paper and put it in the envelope again. Now you should destroy it. You can either burn it or rip it apart. What matters is, the destruction of this Anger list signifies the completion of the forgiveness process.
If you are no longer with the one you love but still have very strong feelings it can be overwhelming at first when trying to get over a breakup. You feel like part of you is missing and that you won’t ever be whole again until you get that special someone back into your life. If you don’t know where to turn and are just simply looking for help and support to figure out how to get back with your ex this is probably the best place to start!
Way to go!!! I’m so glad to read this! Make sure to set the groundwork to a lasting relationship – if you need assistance with this, we can help. I invite you to schedule a coaching session with Coach Adrian or myself.
You split for a reason…even if it’s hazy now. But you and your ex-ex need to face what went wrong the first time if you’re going to move forward, says couples therapist Robert Buchicchio, author of Taking Space, and then let it go, once and for all. Try hashing out the bigger points of what you want to do differently this time in a way that isn’t threatening, like “It would make me happy if…” and have him do the same.
Hi Lauren, this couldn’t have come at a more perfect time for me. My boyfriend of 7 years, broke up with me a week ago. I have read most of the Mars Venus books and am currently reading Mars and Venus: Starting Over. I’m not ready to give up on the relationship, he is my everything. He claims, he’s afraid of commitment and that I can’t make him happy for the rest of his life, but also claimed I’m perfect and don’t need to change at all. Gave me the “it’s not you, it’s me” thing. I still have hope that if I give him his space he will change his mind and I’m not to the point where I can think about him not changing his mind, that is too hard. I have broken down and texted him a few times and told him how I was feeling. I stopped talking to him over the weekend and on day 4, I woke up to a text from him. It wasn’t anything about us, just a video of a silly dog. I guess I’m just trying to figure out if he still cares? Is it just the friendship he misses? He claims I’m still his best friend. I can’t be friends with him, I’m still in love with him. I know every situation is different and you ultimately can’t tell he what he is thinking, but I guess do you think if I give him his space, he might come back? …