Although there weren’t any major issues like him being destructive to your self-esteem, there wasn’t much passion either. You were two people who crossed paths but didn’t change – or rock – each other’s world.
Honestly, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text messages. Texts are sacred, meaning that people rarely share them with anyone. Basically texting is super intimate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of really fun things. Not to mention it is impossible to raise your voice over a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can take your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone won’t allow you.
My boyfriend of 10 years broke up with me recently due to me cheating on him, it’s one of the biggest regrets of my life. I found out days after we broke up he started sleeping with a co-worker and now he is convicted he’s in love with her? Meanwhile, I’ve been trying to get him back the whole time. He would sleep with me and tell me he wants to be with me and do the same with her. I’ll admit I haven’t practiced the “no contact” method at all, I’ve actually gone girl crazy, calling texting etc… The other part of this is before we broke up I was to move away for 3 months for work and since I committed to that I did so. A week ago after this 3 month saga he decided he wanted to be with me. He was going to move here with me and find a job until we went back. Well he saw her the day before he left and is now convinced he’s in love with her, he’s currently trying to find a way back home as soon as possible, he hasn’t even been here 24 hoursu…Is it possible for him to be in love with someone he doesn’t even know? I know he loves me and wants to be with me but is afraid of things going back to the way they were. I’m at a loss I don’t know what I’m fighting for anymore but I do want to be with him despite everything he has put me through these past few months.
Hey Luke, it sounds like you’re on the right path. Just don’t put too much pressure on her to get back together with you or she may walk away. You can always tell her how you feel, but add that you respect her wish to focus on school and you’ll wait for her as a friend first or something.
You have to figure out whether his intentions are out of concern as a friend, or he actually likes you still, or just wants the benefits (hookup). Regardless, it would best for you to give him some space, considering you don’t know what his intentions are, and he may not know either. Apply the No Contact Rule and focus on yourself in the meantime. If he likes you, he will come back.
Right after a break up is when you are at your emotional peak and I don’t mean a good emotional peak, I am talking about anger, hate, basically everything that Yoda from Star Wars said to avoid. The no contact rule is going to give you time to work on yourself and calm down a little bit so you can think more rationally instead of emotionally.
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The whole point of No Contact is to avoid conversations with her, general or relationship wise until you feel more sorted out emotionally to deal with things rationally. The only conversations that is encouraged is if it’s a serious issue (financial matters, divorce paperwork, children, etc). You should tell her that you would like some space since the relationship has ended to work on yourself.
Remember that no contact is ultimately meant for you to pick yourself up and to create a version of yourself that would make your ex fall for you again. Whether she starts to move on or not shouldn’t matter, because she’s moving on from the image and impression she had of you before the change. As long as the relationship with her was meaningful, there’s always a strong possibility of her falling for you again if you seemed to have made significant positive changes to yourself, which captures her attention.
I have come to find out the man she replaced me with is her boss (46-2 kids, previously married)…which I am crushed by. In a way Im glad its not the hot guy at the bar I would compare myself to and wonder what he does better than me. I know her boss has money, has known for her for a year and probably knows where my support lacked and where she needed more. He’s not attractive in my or my friends eyes but this really breaks my heart.
Hi Ryan, dude where are you? I really need your help. I’m really trying to not a mistake here man. It’s been maybe half a month since the NC.. it’s been working like a charm.. couples days ago my ex sees me at work and days I looked good and like I’ve changed..also that I was happy. She text me that same day saying how much she missed my presence in her life, how she missed her best friend. I didn’t respond and then she text me a photo saying remember the good times.. also said she was going thru her phone deleting pics of us and didn’t know which to keep. I then replied I miss you too. We started chatting back in forth and remembering all the good things. She texted me all night. Then the next day says she loves me and misses.. I tell her too. We talked a lot about how much we loved one another. Don’t know if that was a right move ..yesterday she sends me a message at work that was a song. “Baby while were young , let’s do what we want, I want you, you’re mine and I don’t care who’s know it, I’m down for you” just a few things she sent me! I’m confused because after work I waited to talk with her but she ran out quickly and I’m sure when went to meet up with someone else. She didn’t go home last night. She also didn’t text me anymore.. so confusing what’s going on.. not sure what to do or expect! Please help dude! I really want her back and I can’t tell if I messed up the NC rule. She definitely has been seeing someone else lately. Please write me back soon.. she wants to me up tonight to go eat. Don’t know if I should go
Well, perhaps it may have gone too far in his mind, but it doesn’t matter because people get impulsive and exaggerated thoughts when they are emotionally affected by situations. These things can be changed, but may require a bit of time for him to let go of it. Just give him some time and space for now, but you could continue to talk to him casually as a friend and at least let him see that you’re there for him.
(You want to give them something to chew on. They will be thinking about what’s happening in your life and will want to call or text you to talk about it. You are using curiosity to get your ex contact you. Of course, something must be happening in your life. That’s why creating a positive change in your life is absolutely important before contacting your ex.)
A link to your quiz results report will be emailed to you immediately. This results report will include your score and a detailed breakdown of where you stand with your ex and what your next steps should be.
If you scored 3 or 4 points, it sounds like you may be seeing some warning signs of an abusive relationship. Don’t ignore these red flags. Something that starts small can grow much worse over time. No relationship is perfect, it takes work! But in a healthy relationship, you won’t find abusive behaviors. If you think your relationship may not be as healthy as you deserve, chat with a www.loveisrespect.org peer advocate to get more information.