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In our therapy sessions Peter recalled that in his family expressions of anger were not allowed.  As a young boy with no one who would listen when he felt negative feelings, Peter often felt abandoned.  

The whole point of No Contact is to avoid conversations with her, general or relationship wise until you feel more sorted out emotionally to deal with things rationally. The only conversations that is encouraged is if it’s a serious issue (financial matters, divorce paperwork, children, etc). You should tell her that you would like some space since the relationship has ended to work on yourself.

For example, even if your relationship with your ex was abusive, you might want to rekindle it just because you are missing them. Our mind often confuses the act of missing someone with “love”. It’s normal to miss someone after you’ve been with them for a long time. But it doesn’t necessarily mean you still love them.

My ex boyfriend & I have dated for 1 yr 8 months.we study on same campus & we moved in together after an year of dating.on the month of August we were on holiday.one evening we were chatting as usual then he happened to talk to me in a rude way.i then corrected him but he insisted tht he wasn’t rude & tht he won’t apologise.i got so angry and decided to keep quite.the following morning ,with no bad intention i called him and asked him why he wouldn’t admit his mistake.this resulted in2 the worst urguement ever.he said that i only complain abt his mistakes &only focus on his bad side, that i don’t appreciate him.we stayed without talking until the holiday was over.we reported back to sch on sep and told me he want us to break up & move on as grown ups.i insisted that he should give me a chance to correct my mistakes.he then said i didn’t do him any wrong.he gave a reason tht the r/ship wasn’t working.deep down me i knew things weren’t right & so i started working on myself.i bought him an expensive gift to show that i appreciate him.he accepted the gift bt told me that he wanted to live his life the way he want & party alone with his male friends.i let him do that &supported him by paying for the night-outs since he wasn’t well financially.i did that because I wanted him happy.that has been going on for a month.but he hasn’t changed his mind about the break up.he said that we should live separately and actually he has started looking for his own house.yesterday he went ahead & deleted my photos from his instagram.i got angry & asked him about it.he became rude & bitter saying that we r nt dating anymore &told me to move on.when i ask him for a second chance to become a better girlfriend he insists that I’ve not done him any wrong.he says he don’t want to date,he don’t want any girl in his life,he don’t want anything to do with love.he says there are many things he want with his life &that he wants to be on his own.i feel so much pain.i’ve given up on him.actually I’ve hurt so much while fighting for him &convincing him to stay.im so broken and I’ve told him that he will never hear again from me.why is he doing this?whats happening? Will he ever come back or want to be in a relationship with me again?help me please.thanks

Reconnect with friends- Friends are great. You can talk to them about your problems and they will listen. You can rely on them in the bad times to pick you up. Careful though, don’t let them talk you into calling him before the no contact period is up.

It will help keep your mind off your ex (probably)- When you are busy you have less time to mope around or think about your ex. Instead of being completely miserable and depressed you are doing something constructive and dare I say having a bit of fun?

Hi there I need your help. My girlfriend broke up with me about two weeks ago. We pretty much argued a lot lately and she and I both had enough. I broke up with her in aug and we got back together. We pretty much argue about the same things. One major problem being her ex (child father) he would send her explicit things and we argued about that and the fact every chance he got he was hitting on her. To me she always made excuses for him saying take couldn’t block him or stop him because they had to communicate for child. To me seemed that she like him chasing her. She said I didn’t trust her but I’ve caught her in so many lies. Another large problem was she would sometimes lie about things..I couldn’t trust her which is one reason I didn’t want her communicating with oneone else. She said I was jealous and have a bad attitude. I felt she made me have one by not respecting our relationship and by entertaining other people. Anyways.. she broke up with me recently and says we will never work.. she said I didn’t care about her health or financial issues .. but lately she has me been pushing me away.. we work together so it’s hard to avoid her. I love her and want her back. We hit a bad patch and I’m willing to change. She has been flirting openly with another Co worker which I told her was disrespectful. Also same day we broke up I found out she slept with her ex. She denied it at first until I provided proof. I’m not innocent, I did flirt with someone else in her face while we were together to show her how it feels.. she hated but that was my point. I didn’t want her to break up with me..When we first broke up I didn’t everything this website said not to do. I even I friended her in Facebook which really pissed her off and she blocked my phone#. It’s only been 2 1/2 days since I’ve done the no contact things.. it’s driving me crazy and I can’t tell where her head is. I feel like I should be chasing her. Is this too far gone? Can I get her back?? So I leave it alone? It’s driving me crazy not being with her and not knowing what she is doing with other people

“Yesterday, I wanted to read a novel that I have at home and, of course, the house is off-limits except at hours of my wife’s choosing. I could have phoned and arranged a time, but why am I always put in the position where I have to ask for something? It’s demeaning and emasculating.”

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Hi Ryan, dude where are you? I really need your help. I’m really trying to not a mistake here man. It’s been maybe half a month since the NC.. it’s been working like a charm.. couples days ago my ex sees me at work and days I looked good and like I’ve changed..also that I was happy. She text me that same day saying how much she missed my presence in her life, how she missed her best friend. I didn’t respond and then she text me a photo saying remember the good times.. also said she was going thru her phone deleting pics of us and didn’t know which to keep. I then replied I miss you too. We started chatting back in forth and remembering all the good things. She texted me all night. Then the next day says she loves me and misses.. I tell her too. We talked a lot about how much we loved one another. Don’t know if that was a right move ..yesterday she sends me a message at work that was a song. “Baby while were young , let’s do what we want, I want you, you’re mine and I don’t care who’s know it, I’m down for you” just a few things she sent me! I’m confused because after work I waited to talk with her but she ran out quickly and I’m sure when went to meet up with someone else. She didn’t go home last night. She also didn’t text me anymore.. so confusing what’s going on.. not sure what to do or expect! Please help dude! I really want her back and I can’t tell if I messed up the NC rule. She definitely has been seeing someone else lately. Please write me back soon.. she wants to me up tonight to go eat. Don’t know if I should go

I call this part “The Instincts” because all these mistakes are a direct result of people following their instincts. Most of the advice in this 5 Step Plan is counter-intuitive, but it works. When you read it, you will understand why and it will all start to make sense. So let’s start by going over the deadly mistakes that you should avoid at any cost.

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