Last week my boyfriend told me that he needed time to “think about us” because he wasn’t sure if my family would accept him, this was 2 days after he repeatedly told me he loved me and that he would make an effort to be a better boyfriend. Initially when he told me this I said my piece and explained to him that he was hurting me by shutting me out, but the following days I didn’t contact him and he didn’t contact me. On the 5th day I decided that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with a man who wasn’t sure about being with me. So I sent him a text stating I wanted to pick up my belongings and that I would come by after work the following day to retrieve them. The next day I contacted him to make sure he was home, he wanted me to stop by later than I planned, but I told him I wanted to get my things as soon as possible and be done. My exact words, he agreed to meet me and said he would be there when I arrived. I walked in his place grabbed my things didn’t say a word accept thank you when he handed me my shades and walked out without even looking at him. I deleted his number and unfriended him on facebook before I drove out the parking lot. I showed zero emotion but they truth is I’m really hurt because I loved him. I would be open to getting back together with him. I have been on a date since we broke up and another man is presently pursuing me(he has stated he wants a relationship) and I am rejecting him because I still have feelings for my ex. Did my actions drive him away for good, ( he knows I unfriended him because he blocked me) I don’t know if the No Contact rule will work with him because he uses the silent treatment himself. I will NEVER initiate contact with him because my pride simply won’t allow it. However, is there anyway to know he wants me back?
(IMPORTANT: You ARE allowed to break the Year Long NC Rule in this case to give your ex their things back (or to get yours) but this is the only case where you are allowed to break NC in this instance.)
This is one of the worst things you can do – because all that does is signal to him that he’s in control and that you’re not going anywhere – which means there’s no reason for him to get back together with you.
This also applies to your ex’s phone number. If you find yourself tempted to text or call him, but you know that’s not something that you should be doing, then deleting his contact details from your phone is an easy solution. This doesn’t work if you’ve got his number memorized, obviously, but it definitely does help if you lack self-control or you’re the type to send drunk texts when you’re emotional. You can write down your ex’s number and give it to a friend for safekeeping until you’re fully over him.
Next good tip on how to get over your ex boyfriend is to do something new. You’ve got plenty of time on your hands now that your ex is out of the way, so why not use it productively and challenge yourself to do something new?
Just make sure he really doesn’t find that out, and it’s ok if he doesn’t come back on the topic the second day. You can initiate and just make sure you’re always the one ending the conversation at high point.
I recall a girl I knew who would met guys and have her heart broken./ She would buy champaige and put on rick ashley all night and play his songs over and over”Never gonna gi ve you up, never gonna let you down,never gonna runaround or dessert you. Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye never gonna tell a lie or hurt you!
Plus, you don’t want to find yourself in the goo-goo eyes phase with a new squeeze, only to invite them over and then have to explain why you still have a poem your ex wrote you hanging above your bed (I’ve been there, done that, and it’s all kinds of awkward).
Like anything else, getting back an ex boyfriend is a totally learnable skill. Just as you can learn how to get a man in the first place, you can also learn how to get him back after an unwanted breakup.
(Is Kim Kardashian reading this?) Okay- if you’re someone who jumps from one relationship to another, listen up. Dig deep and get honest with yourself about why you seem to always be in relationship. For me, my hit-over-the-head-with-a-brick “aha” moment was admitting I was a love addict (yes, it’s a real addiction, not just a Robert Palmer song). It might not be you, but it’s worth looking into. Individual autonomy is imperative for a healthy relationship. If yours keep failing, perhaps it’s time for you to spend some time alone. To experience the lonliness, to find out what you really want in relationships, your life, your future. Are you in relationships for the sake of being in one? Because being alone is harder? Guuuurl, I’ve been there. Truth: You will spend a lifetime looking for “the one”, trying to make the relationship work, and pulling your hair out wondering what the hell is wrong with you or him. When the answer is there is nothing wrong with anyone except that you don’t know yourself yet. Which brings me to my favorite….
He went on a road trip to Chicago alone(we are in San Diego so this was a big trip) after memorial weekend cause he wasn’t working to visit family. He was gone for two weeks, called and text me daily I really felt like he missed me and I never get that from him only cause he isn’t he cuddly, not always romantic type which isnt a big deal to me. He came back and completely stonewalled me and wouldn’t talk. That’s when the bickering really started. He would talk to everyone except me. He is so social and playful I knew something was wrong. I asked over and over which I shouldn’t have I even asked specifically “do you love me, do you want me here, and is everything OK?” He said yes, we don’t need to talk 247 I let it go. I would ask here and there if everything was okay, again I know probably shouldn’t have. This went on for 2 weeks, then about 12 days ago he dropped it on me. Came in the room told me we shouldn’t be together, he needs to work on himself, we aren’t where we should be after all these years and then I said you don’t love me? He said he was sorry. I didn’t cry or beg(learned my lesson the first time) I said okay “I’m not gonna force you or make you do something you don’t want to do I’ll get my stuff and leave”. He offered to help me move my stuff I said no and did it by myself the next day.
If that’s the case, forget the remainder of this Step and proceed on to the next step, because 3+ “yeses” by this point make it 100% clear to me that here we have a Category A situation. Most break ups in which the girl ended it, are this. Don’t panic, I made this site for this situation more than any other.
So we only saw each other like 5x since May of this year and he was acting distant once again. Where I would be the one mostly contacting him. Not on a stalker crazy basis but I would find myself complaining to him that why was I the one contacting him and he would make excuses about the 6 months.
You are hilarious!! I am laughing so loudly whilst reading your articles….I’m scaring my dogs! I came across your website while I was googling and trying to understand why my now ex-fiance ‘assbag’ of 4 years breaks up with me (2nd time in 3 months), demands no contact then calls me, bawls during the conversation then tells me “he says he needs space” AGAIN…. he did this 3 months ago also…so now I’m thinking he’s emotionally inept and I’m left feel totally confused. But I am finding your articles are helping me alot….so thank you!!!!
Hello I broke up with my ex a month ago and I decided to remain freinds with him back then. But then he was at a party where my best friend has aswel and I found out that he was talking about how harsh Ive been on him and how he tried to put me in a bad light to others by changing the truth and then called me a w*ore. So I messaged him and asked if is trued but he got angry on my best friend telling me, told me “your loss tbh” and blocked me. Then he blocked my best friend too. Then I found out that he has been flirting with my best friend all along even when we were still together and he flirted with another friend of mine but he told me that she was the one flirting with me and he destroyed our friendship. However I thought it will be easy to get over him now but he got into the same sixth form as I have and I dont know what to do. I have emailed the sixth form if they can make sure we wont be in the same classes and they assured me of that. Can I have any advice on how to stop feeling affected by him and not feel anything at all if i see his face again?
Learning to forgive and make peace with things that happened in the past can happen more easily when you take your focus off of the specific events that occurred and instead try to see the perspective of the people involved. Most people don’t act with the intention of directly hurting someone else; generally, they make choices intending to make themselves feel better. For better or worse, it is in our nature as human beings to operate from our own self-beneficial perspective and the impact of our actions on others is often a secondary consideration. It doesn’t make it right, but sometimes seeing someone else’s perspective can help you understand the events that unfolded better and make them less personal. It can also be easier to forgive someone when you see them as a whole person. If you find yourself stewing in anger over something that someone else did or didn’t do, try to pull back and remember the good qualities you saw in them when you first met, and recognize that we all have flaws and we all make mistakes.
Did you feel at ease, like you could be yourself? Or did you feel constantly stressed and anxious, always on edge? Did you feel judged, like you had to live up to some sort of expectation? Or did you feel seen and accepted? Did you feel like this relationship helped you grow as a person, or did it bring out the worst in you?
Proof It Works: “The more you just sit around at home, the more you run things through your head, which results in your idolizing this person you’re hoping to forget,” says Adam Durham, 23, a civil engineer from Durham, CT. “The one thing that always clears my mind is getting back to nature. It gives me a whole different—better—perspective on life.”
Take some time to focus on yourself, your happiness and your future instead of dwelling on the past! Break-ups can be hard to get through, I know, but if you surround yourself with friends and good environments it’ll be a bit easier for you.
This doesn’t mean you need to completely shun him if you go to school together or have mutual friends, but avoid calling him or hanging out with him for a little while so that you both have the chance to heal and gather your thoughts.
Make a list of all the things that your ex did that may have bothered you. Write these down partly for closure, and partly as a reminder of the things that you do not want in your new partner. While it is very difficult to find perfect partner, it is good to be conscious of making the same mistakes twice.
What you have to do, and it is critical .. is FIGHT your natural response to the event (which is to feel like you have little value and little to offer) so that you stem the loss of “value” and regain your power …
There are no victims in relationships… you choose to be in a relationship and you can just as easily choose not to be. Don’t make this into some sort of “this is not fair” or “man vs. woman” thing… it’s not. The only question here is, “Do you want to be effective or not?”
Control your loneliness. It can hinder your progress in not only social life but also professionally. Try to enhance your impact environment. Get close to people as much as possible. Do not let the feelings of being alone get over your nerves. This is the last of things you can do with your own self to get destroyed.
It doesn’t matter who broke up and why, you want him back no matter what. How do you get him back? What works, what doesn’t and why? Make sure you don’t mess up, or he might never want to hear about you again, let alone get back together. Here are 7 tips to help you make him love you more than ever.