Thanksgiving and Christmas can be a great day to kick back, eat a lot and enjoy others company. Or it can be a tense day of back biting, arguing and gee-I-wish-this-day-were-over.
It all depends on who you have to spend the holiday with.
If you are married or in a relationship there is a good chance you will have to attend festivities with both families. How does that bode for your relationship?
If you get along great with your “in-laws” then no problem (but you probably wouldn’t be reading this).
Chances are that there are tensions and those tensions will carry through to the relationship between you and your partner.
If you do not get along with your relatives on your partner’s side, then any negative comment you make can land you in hot water. If it is your in-laws or potential in-laws then take warning:
No matter how much your other half pledges to never be like them, he or she probably will be, eventually.
If you cannot stand the parents of your partner then at some point you will likely not care for certain traits in him or her. Let that stand as a warning if you are not yet committed for life (ie, married).
Keep reading if you are committed, whether voluntarily or otherwise.
Some People You Just Have To Ignore
In most any family situation there are little competitions and other under currents that you just have to learn to live with. Remember, happiness is a choice – on YOUR part.
Some relatives will try to get to you, maybe just for their own amusement, maybe because they do not like their relatives choice of partner or prospective spouse. Be polite, ignore them when you can, let it slide when you cannot. Sometimes they will bother you more if they see they are getting a reaction. Don’t give them one.
One situation involved to brothers getting married within a short amount of time of each other and so at Christmas both brides-to-be had engagement rings. A certain relative had to inspect both.
Even though both rings were very nice, though of different styles, and about the same value, this one relative gave an indifferent response to the one ring and a “Oh, {George}, you have EXQUISITE taste!” to the other one.
As you might imagine, neither brother cared either way, but it sure fueled the feud between the two gals!
There is unfortunately little you can do about that other than to NOT make it into a bigger deal than already done. The women may never forget it, but the slighted gal will have a happier life if she can just enjoy her own ring and never mention the incident again. Avoid problem people as much as you can without an obvious display of rudeness.
Again, you cannot control other people but you can control your reaction to them.
Tips to Help Your Relationship Survive the Holidays
- Keep your mouth shut except when eating or drinking. Close mouth when chewing or when considering saying anything that is not civil and possibly complimentary. Nothing can get you in trouble quicker than your mouth. Make no comments about how bad the food is, if it is good, then say so. If the food is bad, grin and bear it. Try to find SOMETHING nice to say that you honestly can say.
- Keep your mouth shut. Yeah, I know I’m repeating myself.
- Dress appropriately, do not let your partner be embarrassed by you in any way.
- Use your BEST manners, do not let your partner be embarrassed by you in any way.
- If you or your date have any food allergies or special dietary requirements, inform your host as many days in advance as possible. Insist on providing special dietary needs for yourself if necessary to avoid being a burden.
- If hosting an event, ask anyone “new” if they have any special dietary needs or food allergies.
- Help out when you can, but do not get in the way. WAIT for food to be offered, do not go hunting it down.
- Find honest ways to compliment your date (and anyone else as long as it’s not someone she has a nasty competition going with).
- Be supportive of your date if he/she is being attacked by family (hers or yours). Keep your voice calm and do not argue.
- Keep alcohol intake to a minimum if driving or in a potentially uncomfortable situation. It is harder to keep your mouth shut when under the influence.
- Set your DVR to record the game at home just in case the situation does not allow you to see it at the event. If everyone is glued to the TV then it’s no big deal if you are. If you are the only one then you are the resident jerk for your anti-social behavior.
- When all else fails, have a pre-arranged excuse to bolt if you absolutely need to. Better that than a fight with relatives or potential future relatives.
It would be nice if we could all just relax when around family during the holidays but for many of us that just is not the case. Do your best not to be the cause of the problem(s).
Should you have relationship or marital damage that was caused in part (or in whole) from one or more holiday experiences then nothing can help you more than the Magic of Making Up.
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