Women need to learn how to talk to men (and men need to learn how to talk with )women otherwise what you intend as a productive conversation can easily turn into an argument.
This has nothing to do with you or him, but simply that men and women tend towards conversation from different perspectives.
When a woman walks up to a man with the line you have heard on TV, “We need to talk”, count on your guy tensing up, saying “Oh, ****” to himself, and possibly even becoming defensive and even throwing up barriers.
How To Approach A Man
The first problem with that approach is, well, the approach. That kind of a line usually is produced from a face to face frontal position. Unfortunately, in men this will trigger his basic competitive instincts and then the shields go up.
While you might be accustomed to speaking with other women that way, and that works with them, guys are just different. With a man, approach from the side and plan to talk more with your bodies at an angle.
For best results, plop down next to him on the couch and start out talking about something in a nonchalant manner, perhaps the game he JUST FINISHED (don’t interrupt it) watching or the book he has been reading. Maybe walk up beside him while he is looking out the window and talk about what you see.
Look at the photo at the upper left. Both she and her man are lying on the floor, maybe listening to music but it can also be outside watching clouds during the day or star gazing at night. These are times he will open up and be open to talking about all sorts of things.
Talk While Doing Things With Your Guy
Raking the yard, doing the dishes, going for a walk, washing the car (you do help him with that, right?). These are all activities that are opportune times for communication in a marriage or other relationship.
Some video games are opportunities for opening up communication, others that are intense might not be.
Watch how guys will talk with other guys while working together at work, on projects at home like construction or roofing, hunting or firewood gathering.
In fact, one man I hired to help me clean up, cut and split a fallen tree made the comment that if you want to get to know a person, don’t go to church with him, spend a day working with him. I’ll never forget that because he was so right.
What To Do With Your Body Language
While you may not want to copy his body posture exactly, it would probably not look as good on you as on him! But smile at him, nod and make the gestures you normally do, but do not be put off if he does less of that. Again, it’s just a difference between men and women.
Whatever you do, though, do not cross your arms or show frustration in your face. That is an invitation to an argument. If the conversation is not going the way you want it to, try to steer it back toward something of no consequence and wait for a better time to talk about the key issues.
You do not have to wait forever, but maybe now is just not a good time.
Do You Really Want To Score Points?
If you want to talk and you sense that he doesn’t, maybe he is tense from work or other concerns; walk up to him and start a simply neck massage and just show him some attention; even if you don’t feel like it.
Do not expect this to turn a bad time to talk into a good time, but if every time you approach him you want to “talk” to him he will learn to tense up every time you approach.
Show him that sometimes when you approach it is simply because you love him and want to show him that. Radical thought, huh?
Try some of these tips out on your man and let us know how it went, Please leave a comment either way.
