If you are one of those women who are in a relationship but you feel unloved or have had your boyfriend or husband break up with you, then take heart, this is for you. You still love him and want to know how to make him fall in love with me again.
There can be a lot of reasons why your guy does not love you anymore; in fact, he may love you but just does not show it. Has he left you yet? If not, there is a good chance that – unless you are just making life too good for him – he is staying because he does still love you.
Start by evaluating your relationship with him. Is your love for him real or are you just scared of the alternative? Make sure you are asking how to make him fall in love with me again for the right, long term reasons. Fixing short term problems in our lives feels good for a while, but hurts more in the long run.
Your goal should be a healthy relationship based on mutual love, respect and admiration. If you have all of that for him, then let’s move forward and reignite his love for you.
How has your behavior been so far? Have you been begging, pleading, nagging at him to love you? I hope not, but if you have, that needs to stop right away. Even step back from the situation a little bit and let things cool off. If you are married, I am not saying to leave at all, but just make sure you give him some space and do not aggravate him further.
How to Make Him Fall In Love With Me Again
Is there anything in particular that you know of that could have put a dent in the relationship or somehow cooled his love for you? Did you have an affair, change your appearance, do something to anger him?
Often times there is no one set reason that causes a man’s love to fade for his wife or girlfriend. It is pretty common for people to just get used to things over time and forget to have and to show appreciation for what is most important in their lives – sometimes even loved ones.
Initially there was probably a strong physical attraction that quite naturally loses its draw over time. Boredom sets in even with a Ferrari, so you do not have to take it personally. But it does require extra effort in the relationship to keep the spark alive.
As you go through this process you want to make sure that you are taking care of yourself. You need to eat right, exercise and even do little things for yourself so that your energy levels are high, you do not slip into depression and that you are able to put a smile on your face each day.
Happy, positive people are enjoyable to be around. Everyone wants to be surrounded by people that pull them up and not drag them down. Even in the midst of life’s most complicated problems you want to do your best to look on the bright side, count your blessings and find something to smile about.
Keep moving forward with your own life, too. Take every opportunity to show affection and care for your man but do not have him thinking that you are just there as a doormat, waiting to serve him or waiting for him to make your life better. We are each responsible for our own happiness, do not be waiting for him to provide that for you.
Go Back to The Start
Think back about when you two first got together. What types of things were you attracted to and vice versa – what attracted him to you? If some of those things are not evident anymore, can they be resurrected? Maybe a sense of humor that has been crushed by the troubles of life.
Everyone “does” more things when first dating, and usually that is an expense of time and money that can not be carried on indefinitely. But are there some activities that you always used to love to do together that you have not done in a while?
Perhaps if you cannot do some of those things you could bring it up in conversation or bring out some photos of you two in those happy times. Remind your guy of the good times you had together and indicate your willingness to have good times once again.
You want to make sure you are taking care of his needs physically and emotionally, just without the appearance of a slave. Yet at the same time do not ignore yourself and your needs. Be the person you need to be and that should remind him of the reasons he fell in love with you.
Maintain your appearance like you did when first dating. There are times for grunge clothes, sweats, no makeup and rollers, but make sure you do all you can with your physical appearance often enough to keep him looking at you.
The additional benefit of this is that you will feel better about yourself and project a more positive image to everyone around you. You may be surprised at how much better you are treated not only at home but at work or even running errands.
This is not the entire story, by a long shot, but it should get you started and give you even more to think about.
If you are really serious about finding out “how to make him fall in love with me again“, then I highly recommend you take a look at a great resource. It’s called the Magic of Making Up and it has now sold over 50,000 copies and helped women like you the world over.
It can change your life, save your marriage or get your boyfriend back. I highly recommend it.
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I’m not sure how current this page and content is, seeing as how I merely googled the words: “Has he fallen out of love with me?” in a simple act of simple desperation (for now, thankfully, this feeling is in its early stages, not quite hitting OMGDESPERATE point….yet.)
I had a very successful, happy life as a teacher and professional performer (singer) in Tennessee. I was stable, independent, and had responsibilities I cared for, as any adult does. But to join my recently relocated family, and finally abandon a very physically and mentally abusive relationship (of 8 years), I moved to Southern California. I have resided in San Diego for one year, and have yet to find a completely stable career. I have a health problem that demands health insurance, so I am currently in the process of obtaining government assistance, until my higher education and persistence result in my landing a great, stable job. Obviously, this process would take its toll on anyone.
And it has. On myself, and my live-in partner. He and I fell in love one year ago, very shortly upon my moving to his home state, and we moved in together a couple of months after dating. I hate to be cliched, but he was a large reason that I felt able to ‘live again’, and found the strength in myself to regain all of the self-worth I was born and raised with, that was torn down for many years by myself, and a very abusive partner.
My boyfriend and I still live together. We moved into an apartment (of his choosing, as his lease was up at his former residence and he wanted this particular unit) when I had a stable position as a 3rd grade teacher, with the agreement that we would help one another financially (bills/food/etc). My school closed, and I have since been applying and interviewing on a daily basis, desperate to find work. I have finally obtained aid from the government, on a temporary basis, in the form of food stamps and Medi-Care (I am 28, but must be medically observed due to a deficiency in blood).
My family life is…..bad. I am close with my mother, perhaps too much so, and my father and brother are drug/alcohol addicts who care only about themselves. But I am terrified for my mother, so I continue to ‘assure’ that she is alright by involving myself in her life. And vice versa. I know, however, that this is unhealthy and we should detach to some degree. But this is my life, every single day, and it is a reality that is one I accept, because it is what it is, and every negative situation has a turning point eventually.
I try not to blame myself for my current situation, but I am starting to lose the self-esteem I had finally regained.
I do not know how to continue faking a positive facade anymore. I do everything I feel I should to make my partner happy (cooking, attempting to de-stress him as much as possible, general support), but I know that my current state of instability is tearing us apart. I am more than terrified of losing him, because that will relinquish the last of my control on my life, and I will lose not only the thing that makes me smile, but my support system. I can tell he is becoming fed up with this situation, and understandably so, as he comes from a mainly financially and generally stable background, and has not experienced anything like this.
Please help. I am afraid I am just not trying hard enough, and any advice is helpful. I do not know what will happen if I should lose this one solid thing in my life, that I worked hard for. But, honestly, it doesn’t look great
I should have added a little more background info (because what was above just *wasn’t* long enough! :p):
28 years old
Former professional teacher/singer/model (still currently volunteering and seeking regular work in all of these capacities)
No children – no desire for children until completely stable
My mental state is what one would expect it to be.
Time to prioritize.
If you “lose it” then you are no good to anyone.
It would be great if you could help out your mother, but she has made her own mistakes in life and should be in a better position to deal with them.
If your relationship is what’s important to you, then set aside – temporarily at least – that which is harmful to it. Explain to your boyfriend how important he is and what he means to you. Also explain the pressures you are under.
Losing him is NOT the end of you, however. And if he leaves you because you cannot do for HIM, then perhaps he is a bit selfish. He should be willing to support YOU in your time of trials, too.
Don’t become over self centered but remember what they tell you in the airplane about the oxygen masks: “the only way to help someone else is if you put YOURS on first”. Make sure to take care of you; then and only then can you be of any good to anyone else.
So I’m in highschool young and in love. But about a day or so ago he broke up our relationship. He said he just wasn’t happy anymore. Like it didn’t feel right. He said there isn’t another girl and he still cares about me and will always love me. I’m really confused about this whole situation. We are still friends and text all the time but nothing feels right. His friends say he is upset and he said he isn’t happy and is still trying to settle in on the whole situation. But then he says its better to move on and the sooner the better. I honestly can’t picture my self with anyone else. Its no longer a wnt its a need. He knows I’m hurting. And he isn’t or is very good at hiding it. I’m still being as sweet as possible to him , making him feel good about everything. But he doesn’t want to be with me. Please help. I don’t know what to do. My friends say I should stop talking to him to make him miss me but I don’t know if that’s the best way to go about things. I want him to be mine again , please help me make that happen , the sooner the better ):
Miranda,
I know it’s tough at your age to imagine, but in 5 years you may wonder how you ever were attracted to this guy. (I actually have some different lyrics to Katie Perry’s song “The One That Got Away”)
People change SOOO MUCH from high school to their mid-20′s that I personally recommend against young marriages (and young serious relationships). They almost always turn sour. And while marriage isn’t on your mind today, feeling that you cannot imagine yourself with anyone else….?
College can mean you both go different directions, jobs can do the same thing.
Does that mean you can’t enjoy a relationship with a guy in high school? No, not at all. But be careful taking it to the point of being serious (or risking pregnancy). Not only do girls mature faster than boys it is fairly rare for a guy that young to REALLY understand what love is all about. What they understand is DATING (while their parents are paying all their bills) and always angling for the physical stuff.
I’m sure you have been told this, but some guys will say ANYTHING to get a girl to do what they want. And to them, it likely doesn’t mean that much.
If I were you I would continue to treat him the way you would want to be treated; all the while allowing yourself to think of OTHER opportunities that WILL arise also. He doesn’t want to be with you then trust me, you ultimately will NOT want to be with him.
Be with someone who wants you as much as you want him AND WILL TREAT YOU ACCORDINGLY! You deserve to be treated with respect.
Best,
Will
I’m engaged for two years now and planning to have a wedding this year (August 5). Not only are we planning but we’ve made reservations and most of the deposits are made. I even bought my dress and we rented a town house together that is in a remodeling process. In my culture it would be really shamefull to cancel the wedding after so many years engaged and so much money being spent on the wedding preperation, and everybody, literally everybody already knows they’re invited to our wedding. He’s a great guy and I wouldn’t want to lose him because I feel that he is the right person in my life and for my future. However, our relationship has become very stressful recently. First of all, I don’t feel any attraction towards me. Honestly, I feel like the only thing he wants from me is sex and he remembers about me only when he wants sex. He is super cold towards me in any other cases. Before he would listen to my advises, now when I start mentioning his mistakes in general not in our relationship, he disrespectfully turns his back as if I don’t exist. I would never mention his mistakes ( I know it hurts in a way) but we work together and I always want him to be the best and when I see he does something very rudely wrong that his supervisor notices but never tells him, I simply have to tell him, it’s for his own benefit and besides nobody else would tell him that for him to correct his mistakes. In my culture we celebrate March 8 as an internation day of women and he didn’t give me even a single flower just txted happy march8. He didn’t give me nothing for Valenties and for Christmas either. He just txted me that he wants to come and see me ( which means he wants sex) I said no because I’m really hurt after March 8 ( I was expecting to much to get a single flower at least a single note. He txted me back that he is extremely disappointed in me because he never thought that he would be marrying someone who’s not passionately attracted to him and we fought… I honestly don’t know what to do, please help. I don’t want to lose him, but at the same time I can’t tolerate his ignoring behavior
Michelle,
I can feel your pain. I know a lot of people set to be married consider calling it off but are afraid of the embarrassment.
One question, though, is how does your culture view divorce? Or as an alternative to divorce, a life of emotional pain and anguish for you?
I know that I only know what you have written and know nothing else about this man. But if you notice in the text above you say he’s a great guy but then describe somewhat detestable behavior.
He does not respect you, but merely treats you as a possession. My fear is that one day he will find someone else to satisfy his physical needs and discard you altogether.
Is a man who treats you with such disdain really deserving of your love and respect? Do you think things will somehow get better from here? What if they get even worse after you are married (a real possibility, I fear, especially if he thinks you cannot leave him)?
He sounds as though he expects you to treat him as God’s gift to you while treating you like something he could go buy in a store.
Please consider what type of man you want to be married to for the rest of your life and re-evaluate your thoughts of this man in light of his behavior.
Best Regards,
Will
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a little over 7 months now. It was wonderful in the beginning, we got along, we had fun, we really clicked. We’ve been going through a rough patch for the past month or so however. I have been depressed and let down due to the fact that I am not where I want to be at this point in my life. He has been nothing but supportive and loving and caring. Lately, he’s withdrawn and become distant. We talked about it and he told me that I don’t take enough iniative in the relationship. That I look to him to find the answers. Which I have. That he is no longer smitten with me but he still loves and cares for me. I had lost my motivation and become comfortable because I had him. We are still together and he said he’s willing to work on the relationship with me in order for it to grow and for us to get past this. My concern is that even though he’s stated that, it feels like pulling teeth and extremely difficult to get past these issues. I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle to bring him out of the funk I have initially caused yet when I look around, he’s still there even though he may not want to be. How do I help bring him around and become smitten with me again?
My husband and I have been together for 13 years, married for 10. He and I have always had a good relationship and enjoyed each other’s company. However, over the last few years he has stopped spending much quality time with me and would rather go hang out with his “guy friends”. I never complain about it and I just deal with it. I always felt like he was just hanging out with his friends and not doing anything wrong. Well, I recently found that he has been talking to a woman over the phone for about 1.5 months. I am sure he was meeting her too (although he swears it was just talking). Once I uncovered it an confronted him, he told me he would stop and not to bother him about it anymore. As I evaluate what has gone on over the last couple of months, I do notice his lack of affection towards me, his lack of playfulness, and that he says “I Love You” but it is rushed and kinda feels just like words. I don’t know that he has really stopped talking to the woman (although he says he has), he just isn’t using his cell phone anymore. If I ask about it, he blows up and says that he doesn’t want to talk about it because he isn’t talking to her anymore. So, I have been trying to leave it alone, although to be honest, this was the last thing I ever thought he could do to me and I feel like I can’t trust him. He still is not showing much affection but he says he doesn’t want to leave or be with her. I just feel like we are disconnected and I don’t know what to do to get back to how we were. I love him with all my heart and I don’t want us to break up. I am so afraid I am losing him, and honestly don’t know why.
Hi Kat,
Thanks for writing about what is a very common issue in relationships; actually, many types of relationships and not just love.
When things are new, they are exciting. People are more exciting when you first meet, you have lots to talk about, share your life story up to that point in time.
From the physical side, you have infatuation that provides lots of “magnetism” but many times just superficial sex.
Transitioning to a loving, enduring relationship is where the fun becomes “work”. Being smitten is often just not going to last. Those who are together for long periods of time and still feel devoted and smitten are those who know how to look for and fall in love with those qualities in a person that are deep inside as part of them, but external.
I applaud both of you for discussing this issue(s). You felt comfortable bringing it up and he is willing to talk about it. That is something that does not happen often enough.
May I suggest that you both compile some “lists” and share and discuss them?
One list is the things you love about each other; why is it you want to stay with each other.
Another list is what role(s) you think you play in the relationship and what role(s) the other person performs. (define the motivation part you were describing, for one) If you are going to act as a team in life, then it makes sense that you adapt into the relationship and not just continue as you did when you were each single. That will take adjustment, though.
Also list those ways you see yourselves moving into the future, what you want to be part of your life going forward (yes, even a “5 year plan” of some sorts.
You need to make sure that each of you is comfortable with the goals and expectations of each other.
All of this, though, is dependent on the basic building blocks of love being in place and making sure you didn’t just enjoy 6 months of infatuation with someone exciting and new.
Hope this helps; please write back with how this works out.
Best,
Will
Jane,
I can tell that you are really committed to the relationship and trying to do the right things.
Him engaging in conversation one-on-one with another woman is just wrong. Yes, it can be “innocent” but how it makes you feel is just disrespectful and is “tempting the devil” so to speak, or playing with fire. So many times these side relationships will progress.
These are the conversations he is to be having with you, not someone else.
He has to understand that having that situation exist in the past (let’s hope it’s over) has cost him some trust, and rightfully so. Rebuilding trust is not easy, but he must be willing to do it if your marriage is important to him.
It’s OK to hang with guy friends, but I see so many instances where it leads to trouble (same goes with you hanging with girl friends). What are those friends really like, are they loving husbands or are they frustrated, angry divorcees – or single playboys? Whatever they are like, that is the influence he will get by being around them.
If he will talk, then explain to him that you do love him and you want to be what he needs in life and that he does need to commit to you and you are who he wants. Sometimes that means giving up contact with certain bad influences.
If you have children, he owes his time to you AND the kids. Other friends just may have to take a back seat until later in life. These are the choices we make in life. If you do have kids, make sure he doesn’t feel he is 2nd best in your eyes and never gets the attention from you that he used to because of the kids (Yes, I know, kids take time and zap energy – they are worth it, though!)
Try to look at yourself and see if there are ways you have changed since he first fell in love with you and wanted to spend time with just you (we all change, and that’s OK, but try to identify anything that may be “optional change” that perhaps he is not as happy about).
It can be a fine line between showing someone that you need them and rely on them yet are not “needy” and “clingy”. Always show that you are committed to him but showing some personal strength of character is usually seen by men as desirable.
Hope some of this helps, please come back and let us know.
Best,
Will
I have been with my partner for 1.5 years, and up until recently I thought things were absolutely fine. Then out of the blue we had a huge argument as he implied he couldn’t see us together in a years time and that he didn’t know if he wanted to be in a relationship. I stayed with some family for a couple of nights and finally came home to talk with him, He then proceeded to tell me he had missed me so much that he was unable to think about what he wanted so was still unsure. He also told me how depressed he had been feeling and that it was clouding his judgement.
I want to be supportive of him and help him get through this but I feel as though I m walking on eggshells and it hurts a lot to Love someone who isn’t sure they love you back. Part of me feels that he is just scared to break up with me as it would make everything so difficult. I love him a lot and really need some advice on how I should behave in this situation, it seems that every time we talk I end up being a miserable crying wreck. I would hate to wait around for him to realize tomorrow that he is happier without me.
I have tried to spend quality time with him but he has made no effort to reconnect with me at all which makes me think deep down he wants to end things.
Thanks Natasha
Hi Natasha,
Thanks for taking the time to write a comment.
I don’t know too much about either of you but from what you wrote I am guessing that both of you are fairly young?
What I am hearing is that maybe your partner is – how can I say this delicately? – showing some signs of immaturity?
Young guys especially are all excited to move in with their girlfriend because of the physical “benefits”; but notice there is no wedding ring and no “commitment”. That means they can leave any time they want. If that’s OK with the girl then I won’t stand in the way, but often the girl is actually getting used to a degree (I’m not saying that is happening to you because I don’t know enough about the situation or the two of you – just speaking from experience and in generalities).
The way for you to act is the same way you should always act:
1) mature and respectful of others feelings
2) caring, but not a “doormat”
3) honorable – don’t do anything foolish, spiteful or hurtful
4) remember that your life is important – so carefully consider what kind of person you want to be spending your life with, someone who brings you down or someone who lifts you up?
5) always be looking for ways to improve yourself and make a better life for you. If he hasn’t married you then you are no more committed to him than he is to you; a relationship will not work with only one of you caring if it holds together.
I hope this helps – again, since I only know so much I cannot speak to specifically or forcefully.
Please write back if we can help more or you feel comfortable providing more details. We can also use email if there are things you don’t want to post on this page.
best,
Will
I have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years now. In the beginning it seemed as if we were the happiest people on the planet, and as we got to know eachother better we fell more and more in love. We never fought, everytime we saw each other we couldnt help but smile. He is my support system, and I am his as well. We became serious and talked about our future together and imagining the future made us even closer. But it seemed as if over time, we started to drift apart. We’ve been through so much together; through my best friend being diagnosed with cancer, and my other suicidal friend. I had become depressed, feeling as if I had taken on their problems to try and fix and ignoring my own. And he understood. He was there for me through all of it, telling me he loved me and how much of an amazing beautiful person I am for being there for these people. Since then, he has become quiet. He is not willing to spend time with me unless I ask first. He always makes up excuses on why we cant go on dates, and is always with his friends. I am always the one to say “I love you” first. He never compliments me anymore, and is not open about his feelings with me anymore. We seem to fight more and more and I feel as if he do not feel the same way about me as he used to. I feel as if I am no longer important in his life, and that maybe he no longer loves me the way that I love him. I guess I’m just very confused and I want to know what I have to do to fix it. He is the love of my life, and my bestfriend. I dont know what I would do without him, (yet he has only mentioned breaking up once, and that was a few months ago). I’m scare, confused, and don’t know what to do.
Thank you, Taylor.
Taylor,
First, what I can say is that you need to be yourself, be the person he fell in love with. You can have compassion for friends without taking on their problems. That _could_ be part of it.
Maybe he is even a little immature? Making petty excuses is a child’s game.
One thing I might recommend if you have the time is to watch the free video about why men won’t commit (among other things). The video is kind of long (almost an hour) but I think you might pick up some good info.
(There is a sales pitch at the end, but you can ignore that and STILL benefit from the content of the video, it’s VERY GOOD).
Why Men Pull Away and Won’t Commit – free video
Hope that helps.
Best,
Will
I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years now and he has gotten into sort of a slump lately. He has been very stressed and depressed about his Career and says that he is his number one priority right now because his job is important. I understand jobs are important. We had talked about getting engaged for at least two years, he has given me his deceased mother’s jewelry and has taken me to meet all of his friends and family who also have even started calling me Mrs. His last name. All of a sudden these past three months he has become distant and cold towards me and says it is not my fault but that he wants to live life just one day at a time now because he does not know what the future will bring. He also says that since he is moving out to a different town from me for his job (back to our home town) that he doesn’t know how things will work out. He will be living with me foe 3 to 4 months until this happens. All of a sudden last night he tells me he needs a break and that he doesn’t know how Long it will be so that he can figure things out. He also says, “Feel free to date other people and I might do the same because sometimes I think about it.” After he said this he has been texting me every day this week so far, even though I am out of town visiting my parents. When he texts me first and I ask him questions about our relationship he will not reply but he will reply if I ask questions about anything else. Including our “daughter” which is our little black kitty cat. So far we have talked every day during our “taking a break” time and I have not been the one to initiate the conversation 85% of the time. Last night I had a pizza delivered to him as a thank you for watching the cat and to let him know I love him. He called but was answering my questions sounding like a teenager pissed off at his mother; you know that tone. I told him that maybe us taking a break would be a good thing because he would either miss me and realize how much I love him and how much he loves me, even if he goes on dates with other girls,
Or not miss me and realize that he was too immature for a relationship. I honestly believe he is just going through a phase like most guys do because he still says I love you once in a while even though we are not intimate and have not been for a couple of months. Does it sound like our relationship still has hope? Is there anything we can do together to help him fix his stress? I adjust overall confused because men are just so weird to me. Obviously he may regret acting the way he is right now someday. I just overall don’t know what to do to make this work.
The stress of a job, moving can certainly take a heavy toll.
There could be more to it than that and you are right to be concerned.
This also could be a classic situation of “Man pulling away”. Don’t push him, it doesn’t sound like you are, but just make sure.
Please watch the video (about 55 minutes, I think) “Why Men Pull Away and Won’t Commit”. There is a lot of really great info there just in the video. T Dub is promoting his new program, but the content of the video is free and well worth your time.
Please let me know if that helps.
Best,
Will.
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