For some reason I had never seen this parody by The Onion about police charging a house wife in a sex for security scam.
I’ll wait while you go and read it.
Hilarious, in a way, huh? Again, it’s The Onion making a humorous fabrication, not a true story.
(Special Note: This is part of our “Frank Talk” series and is NOT designed to pick on women. Other articles will address issues more toward men.)
The problem is, there is some truth to it in many marriages. Many a woman has lured a man into marriage using the promise of sex and fulfilling all of his wildest bedroom dreams.
In return, she wants to know she is never going to have to worry about putting money in the checkbook. Just write a check or pull out the plastic and use it.
No worries.
Now if the woman raises children then that is a BIG deal. Many women commit some of the best years of their life to child rearing, even risk their lives carrying and giving birth.
Usually, not always, though, the push to have children comes from the woman; and that is natural. Men are no longer hard working farmers hoping their wives will raise lots of strong, sturdy boys to help on the farm.
The problem arises when a woman becomes “high maintenance”. You know, lots of demands, everything she wants from the house to the car to maids and trips cost big bucks. And when it comes to the bedroom, well, the promise and the sales pitch turned out to be more than reality.
Or, it can be that a woman gives birth to a couple of kids but then makes sure to arrange lots of baby sitters and day care (at her husband’s expense) so she can continue to act like a spoiled girl on daddy’s credit card. (Hey, before you go off on me I have seen this happen.).
Other women will do a fine job of raising the kids for a few years, then let preschool (starting at the ever earlier age) and the government schools take over after just a few years. What to do then? Well, maybe a great job taking care of the house, laundry, running the kids around; but maybe not.
Giving Up Being A Wife To Become A Mother
Some women get so wrapped up in motherhood that they kind of forget to be a wife. Or maybe don’t want to be a wife anymore.
Some can only find ways that husband is a crappy father; and with all those daytime TV shows to give her ideas of what the ideal husband should be, it’s easy to see that her man falls short.
When the husband finally asks for sex, perhaps because the wife never asks or offers, she does so under an obvious sense of obligation; no more, no less.
Again, I am not picking on ALL mothers here or ALL woman. But if the shoe fits, keep reading.
Then Comes The Affair
In at least one case I am familiar with, the wife becomes the 100% mother, thinks it’s normal and OK to give up her pre-birth figure forever, and in addition to becoming an ice cube in the bedroom goes one step further and starts accusing her husband of fooling around.
Maybe she pulls out that old “7 year itch” accusation.
If that accusation is unfounded, as it often is made without one shred of evidence, then she has done nearly irreparable harm to the marriage, and it’s up to her to fix it. He may get angry at this point, and while that won’t help, it certainly seems justified (that is IF there is no evidence, merely wild suspicion).
With or without the accusation of an affair, the husband has now become ripe for another woman who happens to have him in her sights to step in to the picture. At this point, the husband – who is getting either nothing or nothing of value at home in the bedroom – is incredibly vulnerable to fall.
Notice in The Onion piece that the husband gets only occasional sex and, in some marriages, is closely related in time to when the wife “wants something”.
Mitigating Factors
I would like to point out some mitigating factors regarding a wife/mother’s behavior in this regard where we want to cut her some slack.
Yes, child rearing can be incredibly taxing both mentally and physically. (Question, though, was it you who pushed to become a mother, perhaps even over the objections of your husband? Did you intentionally become pregnant without his permission? Just asking, I’ve seen it.)
For a woman who is bearing and raising a man’s children who asked to start a family and doing a good job of running the household then the father should be willing to go the extra mile to show his wife love and understanding.
Mitigating Factors Work Both Ways
If you are a woman who feels her husband doesn’t measure up, though, remember that his job can be quite demanding, too. If he is NOT going out with the boys regularly but fighting to make enough money to support a family (it’s TOUGH, I know!) and maybe having to make some compromises at work just to stay employed, then cut him some slack.
It may not be his choice that he works with women who YOU find attractive; maybe he is not even paying attention to them. Don’t make the mistake of driving him into their arms or giving him reason to daydream about someone other than you.
And if he is not spending enough time with the kids, remember that when you ask him to stop at the store to reduce your burden or when he is making home repairs on the home you and the kids need too.
A Successful Marriage
A successful marriage requires compromise on both sides. In today’s world where the woman staying home all day is less likely to be the case, lots of compromise is required.
Men have to be willing to do household tasks and child related chores that their fathers or grandfathers never would have considered doing.
Women, though, have to remember what they “promised” their boyfriend in order to entice him into marriage in the first place.
Just as it is less likely to have a woman staying at home it is also less likely for a man to be out shopping for a woman to raise children for him.
While it is unreasonable for a man to believe that a woman wants to marry him to be his sex slave, make sure you are not guilty of feeding that illusion or having fed it to him in the past.
As with most other marital issues, the way to save your marriage and enjoy your life together is to communicate with each other. Don’t hold back, you need to be honest. Say whatever you say in a loving manner, considering what it would be like to hear what you are saying, and you should be OK – at least in the end.
You both have needs; they are physical, emotional, and yes, even financial. Make sure that your marriage is a two way street where both of you are living up to your past promises and seeking out ways to meet your partners needs on a daily basis.
And yes, life gets tough.
The successful marriage will be where both spouses realize that their mate is a partner in solving problems not the source of problems or the enemy.
If you are interested in a veritable love handbook with all kinds of specific steps to save your marriage or just make sure that you have every advantage in securing a happy never-ending marriage, then check out the Magic Of Making Up; it is a trusted resource that we use every day.
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