When I read an article online today about rules for DWC’s (divorced with children) it dawned on me that many of those “rules” were good advice for those wondering “how can I get back together with my ex”?
The first rule had to do with not embarrassing your child, but in reality it’s about embarrassing yourself, too. In order to avoid this, the author suggested to simply be yourself.
No bragging, no showing off, don’t try too hard to “fit in” when perhaps in a social environment where your ex happens to be.
Instead relax and be yourself. Being fake is way too easy to detect and your ex, since he or she knows you, will detect it before anyone else. So don’t do it.
Another rule had to do with space. What happens when you crowd a child, trying to “become friends”? The child pushes away. They want space and the chance to observe you.
The same can be said of your ex when you are trying to win back your ex.
Give them some space, don’t appear needy or desperate. Let him or her do some things without you and maybe even get the opportunity to miss you. You can let them know you are there but let them come to you; it’s so much better that way.
You do not want to artificially appear indifferent, either. It’s OK to let them find out that you still love them, but you want to get your ex husband back, for instance, making him feel invisible or not worthy of your notice is not a good way to try to lure him back either.
Another good tip is to share things about yourself that maybe you were holding back before. This might work if at some point you have gotten your ex wife or girlfriend to agree to meet you for coffee. Maybe she thought you were holding back or even hiding something before.
Honest communication should always be helpful.
And always be respectful.
Maybe you would occasionally put down your ex in front of others. You were just joking, of course (right?), but if over done can do nearly irreparable damage to your relationship. No one wants to be around someone who does not show basic respect for them as a person.
When he or she speaks, do not cut them off; and always listen intently.
And finally, give it time.
While I would love to say you can just buy this relationship repair manual today and get back together with your ex tomorrow, in reality that will rarely happen.
Get the manual, great; read it and apply it. But give it time.
Hurts do not go away overnight and maybe you need to do some fixing in your own life before you get your ex back together with you. When you do get another shot you want to make sure it lasts this time.
