Ward Off Breakup Or Divorce

marriage money management communication

Do You Have A Tug Of War Over Money?

I think most everyone has heard at one point or another that money, or differences in attitudes toward money is the leading cause of separations and divorces throughout the United States if not the world. One of the quickest ways to start an argument in a relationship is to pick on your spouse or partners use of money.

While few people will admit that they do not think better money management would be good for them, differences arise in what is considered “good” money management!

Further, there are myriad ways for couples to disagree on who is doing what with the money – paying bills, investing, etc.

While there is no magical solution to having money management disagreements torpedo a happy relationship, there are some tips to help you keep things as harmonious as possible.

1. Make Sure Each Of You Has Some “Private” Money Of Your Own

Invariably there is one person who makes more money than the other in the marriage or relationship. Neither one of you should be investing 100 percent of your earnings into paying the bills. Both of you need a little “fun” money to pursue things that are important and enjoyable to you without jeopardizing the family budget.

In other words, you need to plan a set amount of money that is yours to spend without having to be accountable for your spouse.

Granted, that is as long as your basic needs are met: food, clothing, shelter for your family. Surviving must come before fun – welcome to adulthood.

2. Do Not Overlook The Children

Unless the children are from one of you only, without a commitment from the other, both need to be making sure the kids needs are met, including any “allowance” that you BOTH have agreed they should get.

Make sure the children have their needs met before you, including whatever it takes for their education and health; especially before putting too much money aside for your own personal discretionary spending.

3. Decide On Spending Limits Together

When it comes to big spending decisions (think home, car, investing) or the need for cut-backs, both partners need to be involved in the process. It is not uncommon for one of you to know more about money or investing than the other, and that should be recognized, but you both need to have input and have your say.

Both of you should have a voice when it comes to major decisions. If sacrifices are to be made they should be made somewhat equally.

Bad things are certain to happen if it feels like one person is enduring the brunt of the “punishment” and the other still has his or her “fun”.

4. Put Your “Spending” Plan In Writing

Once the two of you have sat down together and discussed the issues surrounding making money, spending money and having your own personal allocation, put that plan in writing! Make sure you date it and why not have each of you sign it as well?

Then give each of you a copy and keep in handy for a while until blissful money management is second nature to you both.

From time to time, review your plan and make sure it is working OK for both of you. If not, revise as necessary.

What Do You Do If One Of You Stays At Home?

Sometimes the biggest money arguments are from marriages where one is the bread winner and the other stays at home. Especially as time goes by, the bread winner can be weary of trying to make enough money to live on and often see his/her spouse’s spending as not appreciating just how hard that money is to come by.

Again, the key is to sit down and talk about these things BEFORE they blow up into a fight.

While each of you should always strive to appreciate what the other does, make sure your actions reflect that appreciation; perhaps by clipping coupons, searching for sales, saving by buying online with deal sites.

Summary

Perhaps the best relationship advice when it comes to money is to make sure that you work on these issues together and always ensure you both respect each others work put forth to make a living, needs and individual opinion.

Talk it out together, create a plan, then put that plan in writing.

Sometimes the best way to save a marriage is to make sure it stays off one of the surest paths to trouble!

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The Wrong Use Of Electronics Can Kill Your Relationship

How To Keep Your Relationship Alive During The Holidays

It's OK To Be Apart For The HolidaysHere's How To Keep In Touch

We just saw an article sponsored from our friends at Match.com on another website that gave some pretty good advice on staying connected over the holidays when you each have to go separate directions.

There can be a lot of reasons why you are not going to each others families: time, distance or maybe you just are not quite serious enough yet to endure the whole “family” thing.

You want to stay connected with your new love, you do NOT want to lose him or her to someone new they might meet during their travels or someone they see after all of these years back in their hometown; BUT, you do not want to appear “clingy” or “needy” either. Sometimes it can be a fine line that you do NOT want to cross.

How Do You Know How Much To Keep In Touch?

Many see the need to CONSTANTLY be texting your love interest as a sign of immaturity. After all, what person out of school with a real job can be texting, constantly, all day long? Five letters, starts with a BIG “L”.

One great way to determine just how much to keep in touch is to talk about it with your partner before going your separate holiday ways. For many once per day by phone is perfect, some do not even need that much “reassurance” that all is well.

This holiday “separation” is a good opportunity to show each other that:

  • You trust each other
  • You are OK by yourself for a few days and it’s OK for them to have alone time too

Tips For Before Parting

There are any number of ways of showing your love and affection for the other half of your relationship, depending on how long you have been together and how close you are.

One idea is to actually plan a date for when you two get back. It can be dinner out, or a nice meal in; but think about a way to have some quiet time together do discuss your trips, how much you missed each other, even share photos for laughs or commiseration!

Another idea is to sneak something into your date’s luggage, whether it be a card, note or special little gift. Chocolate and other perishables probably are not the best idea since you never know what a suitcase might go through before getting to its destination. And make sure it’s nothing that will get him or her in hot water with TSA if flying!

Use Your Electronics Wisely

OK, here is some important advice about texting, email and phone. Young people usually don’t get this since they seem to expect every communication to require 3 hours of texting to straighten out misunderstandings, but more mature audiences can quickly see the wisdom.

  • Texts: Perfect for relaying factual information like “flight delayed”, “landed safely”, “snowing here” – things like that. The intent cannot really be misinterpreted, does not require a response and will not likely have any negative repercussions.
  • Email: No one likes texts so long they break up into pieces and sometimes get delivered in the wrong order. Longer messages can be a good candidate for email, but again, remember that emails lack tone, body language and other critical elements of communication that prevent misunderstandings – and arguments!
  • Phone: When you absolutely, positively want to know that a) they got the message, and, b) what you said was interpreted correctly. Almost no one pays for minutes anymore, so why not call when appropriate? It’s OK if all you call for is to say “I love you, sweet dreams”. Just because you called does not mean you are expecting an hour long phone call.
  • Skype: Probably a novelty if you both have a phone or laptop that supports video chat, but for long separations might be wise to look into once or twice during the time apart.

Using the right electronic method of communication can be critical, as communication is essential to a healthy relationship (more on that here).

If You Both Have Time To Kill

One of the neat options for staying connected over the holidays when you two are separated is the plethora of online games that you can play together from different corners of the globe. If you know that both of you will have downtime at around the same time, this could be a great way to kill the time and strengthen the relationship at the same time.

Summary

Don’t make a big stink if your date/partner cannot be with you over the holidays, that’s not an attribute most people are attracted to. Let him or her do what they need to do.

By using electronic communication wisely you can actually build your relationship in ways you couldn’t if you were together. If yours is a new relationship, you will be starting out building a strong foundation. If you have been together a while, it’s a great way to reinforce what hopefully you already know about each other.

If you find yourself single at holiday time, know that you are not alone and maybe check into Date.com or Match.com!

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3 Sweet Things To Say To Your Husband

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November 8, 2013

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4 Ways To Get Your Girl’s Attention Fast

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Get Her Focus On You Our lives are full of distractions and in relationships we can take each other for granted. Sometimes when guys want to get a girl’s attention they do stupid things that actually lower the girl’s opinion of them and can even cause a breakup. We humans seem to have a hard [...]

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