There are caveats to all this (isn’t there always?) and I even developed a tool that will tell you exactly how long to take a break for in my Breakup Dojo membership program. But only giving him a few days of space is not enough.
So this guy I like, dated for about five months and then we had to break it off. Our relationship was a long distance one so I didn’t know if he was cheating on me or talking trash about me. So one day I text him in the morning letting him know that I was having my surgery and nothing. Then around 3, I texted him letting him know it went good and my shoulder was going to heal. Still heard nothing back from him but when I went on facebook he was active so I texted him and he saw it and no response. But then there was a post on facebook with him kissing my best friend. I acted as if I didn’t see it and then three months later he finally respond to my texts. I broke up with him and didn’t talk for two years. Then after the two years, he asked me to take him back so I did and then he did the same thing again and I left him again. Now he texted me last night asking me to give him a third chance and I haven’t said anything. I don’t know if I should answer him or not! What should I do? Plz, help me with this!
Focus on yourself and your own life. Spend time and energy on improving yourself and focus on things that you like to do or experience. Work on being happy with yourself and where you are. Take steps to reach that point. Most importantly give it time, because letting go does take time. Allow yourself to let go even if it is painful. It will pass. With time it will be easier to handle. Also remember it doesn’t mean you have to stop loving someone. As long as you can move forward and also be open for new people and experiences. Connect with others that you can relate with in a positive sense.
Learning to be by yourself is an important step if you’re trying to move on while you’re still in love with your ex. While it’s also important to be around friends, you really need to find something to do on your own that you’ll enjoy.
Ahhh… It sounds like you need some closure! That happened with me too. I just kept thinking about her. I thought about her so much that it was already a year from what should’ve been our anniversary. At that point, I just messaged her and invited to talk things through. Talking to them about how you’ve been feeling will help your ex-partner understand the whole situation. They might end up being a lil harsh, they might end up coming up with a solution with you, or they might end up missing you back as well. You never know until you try!
My ex and I broke up in January but we kept hanging out until May and then recently he came over to get some things and the feelings were overwhelming for both of us. He told me that no one compared to me and that he still loves me but I recently found out that he is hanging out with this girl. He told me if he wasn’t talking to her he would’ve jumped back into the relationship with me. And he is just very confused on what he wants. I told him that for this to work it would have to be a commitment to me and me only. He told me that part if him wants it to work out and part of him is unsure about us and I think it’s because of this girl. I don’t know what to do in this case. Where do I go fron here? Thank you
But mostly, it will just take time. I’ve gone between relationships rather quickly, sometimes without having enough time to get over the memories of the last person even though my feelings for them were gone. It just takes time.
My ex boyfriend broke up with me 3 and a half months ago, we were really close and he told me that he couldn’t be in a relationship right now and that he no longer wanted to continue making me unhappy. He said he has depression and cannot even make himself happy. I put a lot of pressure and nagged him a lot in the relationship because I could tell after a while that he was not ready for something serious (we got together as he was breaking up with his ex gf). I became jealous and needy and cried a lot before and after the break up. I followed your advice after a few weeks and started no contact. I then got back in touch with him and he was responding but in a very cold and distant manner, I felt at times that I was making progress but eventually my emotions got the better of me and I ended up messing it up. I tried to get him to meet up and talk to me so I could try to get closure instead but he really seems like he does not care and keeps making excuses. The problem is we work in the same office and I have to see him everyday. He has been really overly happy laughing and joking really loudly and kept telling me he was busy or asleep when he started to not reply to me. I have been really struggling to move on and then out of the blue his best friend contacted me. He said he just wanted to see how I was doing as he was with my ex and they were discussing things and his best friend asked after me to my ex. I asked him why he contacted me and he said he just wondered how I was doing and said it was a shame we didn’t get to hang out as my ex broke up with me 2 weeks after we all went away for the weekend to an event with all my exes friends and family and that was the last time I saw them all. I asked him for some advice about my ex because he wouldnt talk to me and I wanted an honest answer. His friend told me that he believes my ex has moved on and is sorry to tell me but it is better to be honest than to give false hope. I am deeply upset by this as I feel that my ex could have bothered to communicate it himself as he never said he didn’t want to be with me when I asked after we broke up, he said he didn’t know what he wanted and who knows about the future, but instead I had to hear it from his best friend. His friend asked me not to tell my ex about our conversation as he said his ex would think it was weird that he contacted me. We had a bit of a heart to heart and I admitted I was struggling to move on. I feel like I have the closure I wanted as I have been told by someone close to my ex that he is no longer interested and my ex will not speak to me about it. I really want to move on with my life now because I am devastated and I no longer want to continue to feel so heartbroken. I dont want to try to get him back anymore because I am far too emotional to follow through with the advice you give and I care too much, so I think the best choice for me now is to get over him. I really have tried so hard but nothing is working. I have to see him everyday and it is so painful, we were really close I and I genuinely believed that he wanted to be with me. I feel really hurt and confused, it felt like he switched his feelings off for me one day as a week before the breakup we were spending time together like normal and everything was fine. Since he broke up with me he has been very cold consistently, it is simply like a switch has gone off and he treats me like nothing ever happened between us like we are strangers except for being polite around the office.
The thing is, we get so caught up with the other person during a break up, and the relationship itself, that we tend to forget about ourselves. It might seem easier to try to control the other person, and to think “if only we didn’t break up- THEN I would be happy”. But, ask yourself, are you happy with you? Are you proud of who you are? Do you embrace exactly who you are, all of you- the good and the not-so-good?
What rubbish! In this article it says your ex-boyfriend needs space to realise he made a mistake and then he will contact you and he’ll be feeling lonely and blah, blah, blah. It’s giving girls the impression that they need to wait around if guys break up with them and giving them false hope that a guy will contact them. Depending on how long you were seeing the guy. Girls please don’t wait around for your ex to call you back in the hope that he feels lonely like this article suggests. Go out, have fun, meet new people. If the guy calls you back then great. Maybe you can work out the issues, but don’t go putting all your hopes up that he will.
This is what you can do now. Look back on your relationship and think about everything you learned. Perhaps it turned out that you wasted your time dating someone incompatible with you. Perhaps it transpires that your ideals were actually too different in the end. Maybe you came on too strong, or perhaps you didn’t come on strong enough. There are always lessons to be learned, and it’s important that you learn them.
When I met him in July he told me he loved me, missed me and that he was sorry for everything. That was the first meet up where we spent a significant amount of time together. Unfortunately, mid August to mid September has been a bad period for us, I did NC for 2 weeks of that time and so progress has slowed down/regressed.
There are certain texting and calling rules you can follow that will ensure you come across more attractively to an ex than you have been recently. These rules are simple but extremely powerful. Obviously they’re only simple and powerful if you know what they are. Once again, see my Category A video to learn more.
Then randomly one night he messages me saying he still hopes I’m alright and happy. But that was the end of it. I got all worked up and started messaging him. (No response) then a week later I messaged him and he responded to me and we started friendly chatting that turned into sexual or course. I kept trying to see him but he kept backing out and then finally told me he recently started seeing someone and he didn’t want to fuck it up because he actually likes her. He thought we could be friends but we’re so attracted to each other that we’d end up sleeping together and he wants to see where this new relationship goes. I told him I wish him the best of luck and then the next day he asked to meet him if I wanted to talk. We FaceTimed for two hours and I couldn’t take it anymore I had to hang up. He texted me saying he thinks he has to block me because of temptation. He didn’t block me but I left It as I wish him the best in his new relationship. We went from not talking to him responding to my messages but he said all he can give me right now is friendship and that I had no problem breaking the news that I was engaged to him and he tried to understand and accept it.
To humility and self-awareness I would add skills. That’s why I wrote my book Power of Two and the website poweroftwomarriage.com. I’d sure love to see more folks access the gratifications of a fully loving committed relationship….
And you know what happens to a relationship where one person is a doormat? They end. Sooner or later they all end. If you want to get your ex back and give it a real chance, please do not become doormat.
Hi. so almost 3 weeks ago my boyfriend of 2 and half years broke up with me. He did it over the phone and the phone call was about 30 seconds and just said it was over then turned his phone off so i could not talk to him. we have had little fights in the past but nothing like this, where he doesn’t even tell me why. I have talked to him a few times since then and about 5 days after we talked in person and he said he just couldn’t do it anymore, which i didn’t really understand cause i thought we were in a really good place. When i saw him in person i gave him a letter saying how much i love him and how we should give it a second chance and he said he loved me but he wasn’t in love with me anymore. Which i have been thinking about and i don’t really understand because he did not seem like that at all. and i do seem him everyday because we have class together but we don’t talk to each other. and i have a lot of guy friends and some of my friends have been telling me that he doesn’t like how am hangout with them all the times. i want to get him back and i have been doing NC the pass few weeks. and am not sure if i should move on or wait it out because i want him back.
The purpose of this meetup is to make sure that the two of you can hang out again and actually enjoy each others company and generally have fun together. So focus on having fun and making him forget completely about all of the bullshit that led to the breakup in the first place.
Remember that it’s okay to feel this way. Also remember that your worth is not dependent on whether you are in a relationship. You should practice self care: do things which make you feel good, especially things you would have been unable to do while in a relationship. Even if it feels strange, celebrate being single.
Denver clinical psychologist Susan Heitler, Ph.D, a graduate of Harvard and NYU, is author of Power of Two, a book, a workbook, and a website that teach the communication skills that save and sustain positive relationships.
But he is still seeing the other women, and this is something that he has to go through. And he knows if we got back together that he would marry me and accept my family as his.( he has never been married nor does he have any children.)
Hi i know that you are not responding but i have been with my boyfriend for 8 months and then he dumps me when he came ober my house and i started cryin n keep leaving the room too not show him i cared and then the last time he huged me and kissed me n told me he loved me n then he left me n him have been through times apart n he said its just another time apart. I love him and ive tried these rules but i never lasted long scared that this might be the end he knows i miss him and hw said were takin time because its whats best for me n idk im just scared
That happened on Wednesday night and I haven’t spoken to him since then. On Sunday (yesterday), he contacted me telling me he’s made his decision that we aren’t getting back together because he’s happier on his own, and even said that we can’t be friends anymore.
You should be extremely careful whenever you go out drinking. You might end up calling your ex and making a fool of yourself. So whenever you go out drinking, have a friend with you who can stop you from making this mistake.
Thanks a lot for your advice. I’m just wondering if you maybe make it sound too easy by saying “5 steps to getting an ex back”… in my experience it can take months of work and still you may not win them back. Anyway thanks for the interesting read… Good luck all!
“Deep down inside every guy there’s a soft spot for his ex-girlfriend, despite how dirty the breakup was. So girls, you should play to this if you want him back. No matter how many times he tells himself he’s over you, there’s always something enticing about an ex. If you want him back, just remind him of all the reasons he fell for you in the first place, but also give him the impression that you’ve grown up a bit. This way he’ll forget about whatever problems you had. Keep things casual and don’t let him get the idea you’re chasing after him. Imply that you’re seeing other guys, this will only make you more appealing and will push him to ask you out again because he’ll be afraid that another guy might beat him to it.”
As mentioned above, you need to be better than what he remembers you to be. Hotter. Way hotter. This can be a huge motivator to any guy to get back together. It’s important that you don’t see each other for some time, and then once you do – he is just blown away by how much prettier you’ve become.
Not out of spite, mind. And this isn’t the same as blanking them! Because you mustn’t do that. I’m talking about a deliberate effort to avoid them, but if you DO cross paths, you should be polite and brief. And move on.
Seems like you’ll get him back. You’ve seen each other a couple of times and things are going good. It seems like all will work out great! But wait, and re-think it. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking all is good now and that you’ll just be fine… you may not. People that get back together tend to go back to their old, real ways, because they did not make any real, fundamental changes to their lives.
Be sure to check out our detailed reviews of these guidebooks to getting your boyfriend back. In reading these review breakdowns you can learn a lot more about what to expect, and which areas of expertise are dealt with throughout these written, audio, and video resources.
My ex and I were together for 5 months. Everything was perfect…we had met each other’s families, talked about our future, never even had a fight, etc. I always had his phone and he was never bothered by it until one night he kept hiding it from me. I caught a glimpse and saw a girls name. When I asked him about it he said it was a girl he worked with and I had nothing to worry about. I believed him. A few days later he started acting really distant and I asked him if everything was ok and he said he wanted a break and when I asked him if it was so he could talk to that girl he just said no we just needed time apart…the next night I asked him about the girl again and he admitted yes they had been talking and I asked if he wanted to be with her now and he said yes. One week later he’s in a relationship with a completely different girl..not even the girl he left me for. He’s 29 and this girl is only 20 and they had only talked for a few days before changing their relationship status on FB! We are still friends on all social media and he still watches my Snap stories. My gut tells me that we were getting too serious and he freaked out…but who knows. I plan on doing the NC (it’s almost been 2 weeks), but I’m just wondering if it’s even worth the fight. I do still love him, but I don’t know if I’m blinded by that and won’t accept that he’s just not the guy I thought he was…I’m just so confused!
“You were right too about how much I coddled my children’s mother. The reality is that I was afraid of her. Just like when we were married I was always trying to keep her from getting mad at me. When I was depressed I had no spine for anything. That era is over as well. Now when she calls, I get the facts of who to pick up when and where, and that’s it.”
So… I decided to turn my How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Guide into a video presentation to make it easier for you. It’s not going to win any awards for its video effects (!) but I hope you find it useful…