How Do I Forgive My Husband for Cheating?
Cheating is not new, but society is certainly more forgiving of it. The question is, can you be? How do you forgive your husband for cheating when you have never cheated on him?
In times past, men and women were not barraged with sexy media and provocatively dressed members of the other sex. And for women, if a man did cheat she may feel stuck with him in the marriage because she is financially dependent on him. These days, divorce is not only an option, that may be what all of your friends are recommending.
But is that really best for you? Are there better days ahead for your marriage?
Fortunately, marriages can survive when a husband cheats on his wife, if they can both move past it. For that to happen, you have to somehow forgive him and live a new day – otherwise it will tear YOU up in addition to the marriage.
Should you choose to look at the number of relationships with cheating partners, the statistics are truly staggering. While we cannot vouch for their accuracy, Statisticbrain.com says that 41 percent of marriages have one or both spouses admitting to infidelity (either emotional or physical). Personally, I am not too willing to lump those two together – thinking about it is a big difference from doing it, but that’s what we have.
What may be of use, though, is the gender balance. For perhaps the first time in history, men and women are cheating on almost an equal scale. Fifty-seven percent of men admit to cheating in any relationship they’ve had and Fifty-four percent of women admit to cheating.
And while we are on statistics, thirty-one percent of marriages survive (and last) after the affair has been discovered. When you consider that fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce, those numbers are a little more promising.
But these are just numbers; who cares about everyone else, how can we help YOU to overcome this betrayal of trust by your man?
Tip #1: Take Time to Process the News
We are not talking about some minor indiscretion like wasting money on lottery tickets or lying about going to the bar with the boys. This is a game changer.
You need to allow yourself the time, and space, needed to really process what has happened in your life, how you feel about what has happened, and what YOU want to happen next.
While it may be helpful to get advice from friends, don’t let anyone push you into any action that you will regret later. Suggestions from other divorced women might be them trying to vicariously get revenge on their situation through you.
Tip #2: Be Selfish for a Little While
After he confesses to the infidelity, or you find out, he may be trying to win you back and get into your good graces. That’s OK to a degree, but remember that his regret, guilt or contrition may be short lived.
Also realize that it’s dirty pool to let him “win” you back when you know that you are leaving him anyway once you have milked the situation dry. You will have less problem living with yourself if you know that you were honest and sincere in your dealing with him regardless of how he treated you.
At the same time there is no reason not to let him take on some of your chores around the house or with the kids to give you a little more slack in your schedule to step back and really think things through.
Tip #3: Learn How to Forgive Yourself First
In some instances women have been taught to blame themselves when their men stray. Even if you believe in the so-called “enlightened” world we live in today, other women, prominent clergy, and countless politicians may work to drive home the idea that the woman is at fault when a man cheats.
Well, we’ve covered that before and sometimes you might be complicit – or maybe not at all.
Regardless, though, we have to get you through to the other side in one piece and ready to live another day with a better life. Things we are at fault for, we need admit, confess and make amends. And so do others..
There is nothing to gain by swimming in blame and guilt over actions that certainly not entirely your own. Take ownership for your own actions but you cannot own his actions any more than he can own yours. He did the cheating, he’s the one who moved past thinking and took action.
But once you forgive yourself for any role you had in his cheating, you will find that it is much easier to forgive him for his breach of trust.
Bonus Tip: DON’T Make This Mistake
There is one mistake when it comes to how to forgive him for cheating that we want you to avoid.
Thinking that because he cheated I’ll get back at him by cheating too is only doubling the problem. Once you go that route it’s going to be tough to save the marriage or relationship. Now you can forget him pampering you to win you back because you are every bit as guilty of infidelity as he is.
Who cheated first becomes academic at that point.
I can only imaging that you would read an article on “how do I forgive my husband for cheating” if you really want to keep him and the relationship – somehow, if possible.
Slow down, take your time, consider what we have suggested up above and don’t let others do any deciding for you. It’s your life, take control!
The path to forgiveness when it comes to infidelity can be long and painful. Our hope is to help you ease the pain and move forward in a way that will increase your happiness in life.
Have we done that? Leave us a note below, please.
If you are the cheating husband, maybe you better head over to here – right away.